Letter to Barry
Dear Mr. President:
I’m planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for
my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me.
We’re planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into
Mexico, and we’ll need your help to make a few arrangements.
We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration
quotas and laws.
I’m sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So,
would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I’m
on my way over?
Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I
might need, whether I use them or not.
3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English.
4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking
(bi-lingual) teachers.
5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American
culture and history.
6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag
poles at their school.
7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast
and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver’s license so I can get easy
access to government services.
9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but, I don’t plan to
purchase car insurance and I probably won’t make any special
effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the
memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that
every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put U S. flag decals
on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want
any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or
have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.
13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be
extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family,
or about the strain we might place on their economy.
14. I want to receive free food stamps.
15. Naturally, I’ll expect free rent subsidies.
16. I’ll need Income tax credits so although I don’t pay Mexican
Taxes, I’ll receive money from the government.
17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Gov’t. pays $4,500 to
help me buy a new car.
18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican
Social Security program so that I’ll get a monthly income in retirement.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these
things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. from Mexico. I am
sure that President Calderon won’t mind returning the favor if you
ask him nicely.
Well Done!
Thank you.