This intrepid public servant was injured in the line of booty, and deserves our every consideration! Would you rather have him and his fair bride, going to wholesome, licensed Sex Clubs, or just Stroganoff? There is also a dastardly racist element to this case, as is obvious.
As a recently out-of-work ACORN attorney, I am offering to take his case against the manufacturer of that faulty condom, which exposed my future client to this terrible risk. (Let's call that Legal Plan 'B,' shall we?) I am however, at the risk of being called niggardly, unwilling to take this case on a pro boner basis.
Pingaccio!