The Boy Gap

Education has become very, very feminized. Increasingly, the solution to teacher alienation from normal boyNESS is medication.

Boy is that the truth. That very thing is what led to my decision to homeschool. I have a wonderful, very bright teen, who is very energetic and athletic. He was much more so in elementary school. He was fidgity and talkative in kindergarten and 1st grade. His 1st grade teacher hounded us to put him on Ritalin. She and grew increasingly snitty about it.

I wasn't about to do that. So I opted to pull him out just to see how it would go. We decided to give it a 6 month "trial" period. And we've been at it now for 8 years and love it.

In those early years, we did school differently. We did 10-15 minutes on, 5 minutes off (lots of breaks). We used a hands-on approach after I discovered he was a kinesthetic learner. He would jump on a trampoline and spell his spelling words. Walk around the room reading a book, etc.

He is a high school freshman now. He goes to homeschool school 2 full days a week and does the other 3 at home. He has no problem sitting still in a classroom, concentrating, taking notes. He works and his customers and managers speak highly of him. He tests well and makes good grades. He is the first one up every morning, he runs, makes his own breakfast and gets the rest of us up LOL.

So all those big "problems" in elementary school, were a combination of normal-boy energy, personality and different learning style. I was in tears so many times when he was in public school because this teacher had me nearly convinced he wasn't normal.

I believe there was a time that teachers would be able to teach more to a child's learning style, but my friends who are teachers say things have changed. The classes are too big and the material they have to cover is too vast to deal with each child individually. The past several years have been the worst as they have to "teach to the test".

My kids take standardized tests every 3 years and I have never taught to fit the test - yet they do fine.

Anyway, your post really struck a chord with me!

Your story sounds like mine. I received many, many calls to put my son on medication. I received many, many calls about how disruptive, misbehaving and even dangerous my son was. It wasn’t until I walked into his third grade classroom to find everything in total chaos that I learned that all of the parents of all of the boys were getting the same message every day. I immediately pulled him out and he finished the rest of his elementary and secondary education at home. He also did an apprenticeship in an escrow company and had a good resume upon reaching the age of 18.

It's tough to find the right balance for each youngster. One of our sons has ADD. We've kept the medication as low as possible so that he could get through his necessary work without being a zombie with dulled personality. For the most part it's worked, although his efficiency leaves a lot to be desired, and his heavy workload in high school hasn't left him a lot of time to kick back. There have been times I've thought homeschooling was a better idea, but truthfully I'm not sure I'd have had the patience, and sometimes kids learn better from other adults, especially in their teen years.

We've had a number of homeschooled boys in our Scout troop. Some have done it for religious reasons, some for family flexibility, and others due to special needs of the children. I admire parents who undertake this and provide their children with a successful learning environment. Some children simply don't do their best work in a typical school setting. If they fall behind in their early years, it can be very hard to catch up. Basic skills are critical to the knowledge acquisition that comes later. It's always good to hear success stories. I think it's important that we retain the liberty to structure our children's education to suit their needs and not be forced into one-size-fits-all factory model schools.

I'm not sure I'd have had the patience, and sometimes kids learn better from other adults, especially in their teen years.

Me either, that's why I said I'd only give it 6 months to start LOL!

I agree that teens need input of other adults. We love his 2-day a week homeschool school - he is taught by teachers 2 days and they assign work at home for the other 3. I like that he is accountable to someone else. It's good for him. The teachers see the parents as "co-teachers" so it works out well (most of them homeschool too - they are all certified, but decided they didn't want their kids in public school).

But, even if we didn't have this option, he still has plenty of other adults who teach and coach him - through church, sports, etc.

My other big worry early on was that it would be too overwhelming. I was so pleasantly surprised at how much easier it was. When he was in school, I was practically reteaching his entire day while he was doing his homework. He would have a tiny amount of time to relax or play before bedtime. When we started doing school ourselves, he was almost always finished around 1 or 2 in the afternoon, with no homework. It was like the dawn of a new day (for both of us!!!)

Well, my post was a reply to another poster’s comments.

As to the article, I agree some of the discrepancy between boys and girls in early education is due to maturity, but not all. Children do have different learning styles, that’s pretty well known. I’ve seen it, I have more than one child - I also have a son who was reading by the age of four, who wants to sit, do worksheets and wants to sit and do his entire school day in one shot.

I’ve also taught girls (we fostered some, and I have taught other folks’ kids) some pick up concepts and reading early on, others not so much. Some learn by hearing, others need hands on.

In any case, even if I knew my son would “catch up” in 2-3 years, I just could not do that. In that 2-3 years a child can develop an aversion to school and learning. I’ve seen a few bright starry-eyed children heading off to kindergarten, and by 2nd grade absolutely hate school. That is really sad.

My son’s kindergarten teacher said there were a couple of years when she found that the boys were just as good as the girls at writing their letters. In those years, GI Joe was popular. The boys had gotten a bit of improved manual dexterity by changing the outfits on GI Joe, just as the girls had been doing by changing doll outfits. The boys just needed the chance to build the coordination.

Our public school does expect a lot of “good girl” type sit-still-and-study behavior. That kindergarten teacher mentioned above used to bench misbehaving kids during recess. Honestly, if the kid was antsy before recess, what’s he going to be like after he had to sit nicely through recess, too, and lost the opportunity to run around? She had two daughters, no sons, I believe.

The best surprise I ever got was discovering how wonderful a little boy could be. Yes, he has a lot of energy and silliness and noise and potty humor. But he also is full of enthusiasm and heart and curiosity and loyalty. I’m so sorry not everybody sees the complete picture, but very glad that I have been so blessed.

The typical classroom environment is geared towards convergent learners (where a person focuses their thoughts on arriving at one correct answer). This is an appropriate learning environment for the majority of students.

At least 5% of the population is divergent (where the question is the starting point, and their thoughts expand out from there). Some of the greatest thinkers in the world are divergent. Unfortunately, the standard classroom environment is the WORST POSSIBLE PLACE for these brilliant minds. They need an open learning environment - the least restrictive environment possible.

The typical classroom environment is also normalized, meaning that children of all metacognitive abilities are put together. Sometimes academically brilliant children are miscategorized because they learn the material easily and then are instantly distracted.

It's not uncommon for the masculine mind to be distracted at an early age. Their mind hasn't settled down yet; it's too busy reacting to stimulii, and processing on levels that hasn't been fully explored yet. Very active boys need constant "food for thought" and the squirming, chewing, giggling, are all indicators that your child's mind is moving very quickly. These activities are "coping mechanisms" that help keep part of their brain "busy" so the rest can focus. Preventing them from "entertaining" a portion of their brain will actually INHIBIT learning.

If you notice, when young boys are excited and "telling a story," they will jump around or run things together - leaving out huge chunks of the narrative. In their eyes, they've already processed that part of the experience and are merely getting to the highlights. That's why you sometimes have to probe, or ask that the story be repeated several times. Like peeling an onion, you find more layers underneath.

If you will notice, boys usually become "behavior" problems around the ages where they experience substantial physical growth. Their hormone production is beginning, an a change in hormones can result in a change in behavior. If you wake up and find your son's voice has dropped a half-octave, expect that behavior problems will follow. It's a hormone thing.

Finally, and perhaps most sadly, an increasing number of boys are being raised in homes without a strong male presence. The presence of a strong, supportive father changes the atmosphere of the home, providing a stabilizing force, a sense of security, a role model for appropriate behavior, and an outlet for masculine energy.

I've already pulled my daughter out to home school her. My son will be following shortly.

I refer you all to a book by Michael Gurian called "Boys and Girls Learn Differently." He goes into great detail about the developmental differences in boys and girls. Language is a biggie in Kindergarten & 1st grade. So is fine motor skills, which girls seem to be better at.

As for the lack of men in the lower grades, there are two things to consider. One is that there is a growing stigma toward men in education that they are all potential child molesters. Who wants the trouble? Discipline some girl, and she might run to her parents and tell them some lie. Who will the administration believe? Two is that teaching lower grades has an ick factor to it. Some people can't understand that men are needed in elementary school, and that their inherent masculinity needs to be respected.

I am the only male teacher in my school from Kindergarten through 6th grade. There are four in the middle school, but until a kid hits that part, I'm it. I let the boys be boys. They can write about battles, video games, all that stuff. My 4th grade girls get a teacher who isn't afraid to deal with their little foibles as well. Cattiness? Not allowed. Whispering? Lose a recess. I've had girls turn on the cute because it works for grandpa or mom's boyfriend, but they learn really fast it won't work on me. The other teachers who have boys, they treat me differently than the ones who have either girls or no kids at all. We swap stories about the goofy things our boys do (Mrs. O and I have a duo.), and it's great. You can tell the ones who don't understand or appreciate boys. They tend to be.....shrill.

"The typical classroom environment is geared towards convergent learners"

This is also true of many work environments, even those which purport to seek and support innovation. Innovation can be uncomfortably "messy", unpredictable and threatening to many linear thinkers in academic or work settings. When we have children who approach learning differently, we need to not only support their learning style, but also help them to understand where it is most apt to be valued as they mature and leave the school setting.

I recall an interesting conversation I had with my then 15-year old son about how ideas are formed in the brain and the forms of energy surrounding them. He theorized about how light energy should be broken down into various sub-components and portions of it harnessed for our use. I asked him when he had come up with all these questions and ideas . . . he said that this is what he daydreamed about when he was bored in honors chemistry. Those day-dreamy ADD kids have all kinds of stuff going on. It's truly a challenge to help them stay sufficiently on task to get through the stuff of daily life without losing their special qualities.

One of my friends has a son who is very intelligent, with an intuitive grasp of science and technology. He also has ADD, dyslexia, dysgraphia, and a processing disorder of some kind. He works at an excruciatingly slow pace with any kind of written work, whether reading or writing. His insights are excellent, but he struggles with school work. Their challenges are considerable, but he is learning, earning high grades, and seeks to excel. I am very curious where his path will lead. He's a very interesting and determined young man.

It sounds like your students are very fortunate to have you as a teacher. Our sons' elementary school had one male teacher during most of the time they were there. He always ended up with a high proportion of the boys who "needed a bit more structure". Parents tried to get their sons into his classes because he knew how to handle them - firmly, with kindness and a sense of humor. All the kids seemed to like Mr. D.

You may be right about the child molestation fear. In some school districts, there are also pay differences. I believe our district pays better for specialized subject area instruction than it does for elementary ed.

Boys aren’t wired for early verbal skills

BS. I was measured at 7th grade spelling level in 2nd grade. Granted, it was a California school in 1963. By 4th grade, I got one of those "boy hater" teachers. My perfect scores in spelling pissed her off. She literally pulled me out of my chair and threw my on the floor. I spent many hours sitting on the concrete outside of the classroom. In spite of the constant abuse, that bitch of a teacher couldn't knock me down academically. The school was Hazel Goes Cook Elementary School. The teacher was Cynthia Richmond. Her willing accomplice, Gunnar Ostrand, was the principal. I loath both of them. Thankfully, my dad took a new assignment at the Pentagon. The rest of elementary school was split between Taylor Elementary in Norfolk, VA, West Springfield Elementary in Springfield, VA and Rolling Valley Elementary in Springfield, VA. The teachers in VA were definitely an improvement over CA.

The difference in learning styles persists into college. I taught an embedded systems class for 3 1/2 years. My students ranged in age from 15 to 65. The class usually started with 65 students and finished with about 35. It was a chore to gauge the style and ability of each student and tailor individual help. The class met two days per week from 6:30 PM to 9 PM (officially). We seldom locked up until 10 PM. The most challenging student turned out to be an ex-con who had volunteered as a subject for drug testing. The drugs destroyed his short term memory. I wasn't told about that until the end of the semester and only after an invitation to join some of the students for a beer after class. Early on, I asked that student to keep a notebook in his pocket to keep a record of key ideas we had discussed. I didn't know that he made that a habit all the time after that point. It "fixed" his short term memory issue. He finished with a "B" in the class. That required completing all 18 assignments plus 3 of 5 "extra" credit assigments. Many of my brightest students finished the whole set well before the end of the semester. I challenging them with fun stuff like real time interrupt processing and voice synthesis. Challenging enough in the 1980 to 1983 time frame.

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