Congrats on having well-behaved children - but also consider yourself lucky as not everyone else shares your good fortune.
Children are different. I've had kids that shape up after being given a stern look. And I also have one who seems to revel in the battle of the wills. Give him a stern look and he'll more often then not give it back to you (to his mom especially).
Previosly written:
Proper discipline of children involves defining his boundaries and then holding them RESPONSIBLE if/when the boundary is breached. What this means is that the child gets an EXPLANATION about the seriousness of their infraction. And perhaps a spanking is warranted and perhaps not.
It is really no different than in real life; you get caught speeding, the cop pulls you over and hands you a ticket. He (normally) doesn't berate you - or rant at you. And if you go and stand before a judge, they will define the verdict and proscribe the penalty. There might be a stern admonition - but typically no yelling is required.
When a child has crossed the line of expected behavior, and spanking is KNOWN by the child (because the parent has MADE IT KNOWN BEFOREHAND) to be the penalty, then the parent can administer the spanking - telling the child exactly how many spanks he will receive - just like a judge passes out a sentence using the proscribed guidelines.
This doesn't involve anger on the parents part - if it does then the parent is in the wrong and needs to cool down beforehand. And just like the article noted, when this system of discipline is in place, and the child knows what is expected of him - and what to expect if the rules are broken, then you have a well-functioning family and community.
Otherwise, imagine what our society would look like if what we did with our law breakers was to simply give them a stern warning - and then let them go (or give them a 'short' timeout). What? We ARE doing that? Well that explains a lot...
“Congrats on having well-behaved children - but also consider yourself lucky as not everyone else shares your good fortune.
“Children are different. I’ve had kids that shape up after being given a stern look. And I also have one who seems to revel in the battle of the wills. Give him a stern look and he’ll more often then not give it back to you (to his mom especially).”
Absolutely true! I’ve often said that God gave me easy children because He knew I was weak and couldn’t handle much more.
Nonetheless, many posters here seem to assume that children generally need to be hit in order to be well-disciplined and well-behaved. I have no doubt that that is true of some children. But I don’t think that it’s true of all children, not by a stretch.
“Previosly written:
Proper discipline of children involves defining his boundaries and then holding them RESPONSIBLE if/when the boundary is breached. What this means is that the child gets an EXPLANATION about the seriousness of their infraction. And perhaps a spanking is warranted and perhaps not.”
I agree. From the time they were born, I’d explain to my two sons what they’d done wrong (when they did something wrong) and why they were being punished. Some folks thought I was nuts. But even before they understood quite what I was saying, they understood from my tone that they were in trouble and I was instructing them as to the nature of the problem.
“When a child has crossed the line of expected behavior, and spanking is KNOWN by the child (because the parent has MADE IT KNOWN BEFOREHAND) to be the penalty, then the parent can administer the spanking - telling the child exactly how many spanks he will receive - just like a judge passes out a sentence using the proscribed guidelines.”
Frankly, with my older son, just my disapproval was all that was ever needed to sufficiently discipline him. For him, knowledge that he’s done wrong is sufficiently punishing (and often over-punishing).
Even for my younger son (my “hellion”), knowledge of my disapproval is often sufficient to dissuade him in the short run, but not infrequently, he forgets his lessons.
As well, there are other forms of punishment other than hitting one’s kids, and they’ve been effective for me.
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