There used to be this idiot bully in JR High that would always come around the lunch table and grab a handful of my fries off my plate.
One week I was out sick with strep throat and was recovering from it and well enough to return to school.
The day I returned I sat down to lunch with my burger and fries and this bullies idiot friends were all around watching me. I proceeded to spit on my food. The bully comes around and grabs my fries and eats them.
In a calm but sarcastic tone I informed him that I had just gotten over strep the other day and had spit on my food before he got there. I told him all the people at the table had seen me do it. Then I told him that he just ate my spit and he better hope he didn’t catch strep from it.
He never did steal my food after that humiliation. I also proceeded to spit on my food every time he came around so that he would see it.
LOL
[bullies are usually pretty dumb, too... LOL...]