Fruitcake armor plating -- why didn't I think of that? Deflects anything (including hunger *\;-).
You didn’t think of it because normal people don’t think of using fruitcake as armor plating.
Blunt force trauma instrument maybe, but armor?
You’d have to be insane.
Thankfully, you have me around to think of these things as I’ve dealt with eldritch horrors like peanut pineapple jello mold.
So fruitcake as armor is a natural thought for me due to having run across other unnatural culinary horrors.