Something isn’t computing here.
Why would the leaders of your church being giving your wife these duties and responsibilities if they were “ostracizing” her and didn’t absolutely and completely trust and respect her in every way?
They probably fear that if they removed her "callings" she would leave for good. How better to punish the husband than to show their disapproval of HIS actions by punishing his family this way?
As to the duties in the temple, I would wager that the next time his wife tries to renew her temple recommend, there may be some question as to her "worthiness" in her answers to these questions, particularly no. 7.
Temple Recommend questions.
1 Do you have faith in and a testimony of God the Eternal Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost?
2 Do you have a testimony of the Atonement of Christ and of His role as Savior and Redeemer?
3 Do you have a testimony of the restoration of the gospel in these the latter days?
4 Do you sustain the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as the Prophet, Seer, and Revelator and as the only person on the earth who possesses and is authorized to exercise all priesthood keys? Do you sustain members of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as prophets, seers, and revelators? Do you sustain the other General Authorities and local authorities of the Church?
5 Do you live the law of chastity?
6 Is there anything in your conduct relating to members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church?
7 Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?
8 Do you strive to keep the covenants you have made, to attend your sacrament and other meetings, and to keep your life in harmony with the laws and commandments of the gospel?
9 Are you honest in your dealings with your fellowmen?
10 Are you a full-tithe payer?
11 Do your keep the Word of Wisdom?
12 Do you have financial or other obligations to a former spouse or children? If yes, are you current in meeting those obligations?
13 If you have previously received your temple endowment:
Do you keep the covenants that you made in the temple?
Do you wear the garment both night and day as instructed in the endowment and in accordance with the covenant you made in the temple?
14 Have there been any sins or misdeeds in your life that should have been resolved with priesthood authorities but have not been?
15 Do you consider yourself worthy to enter the Lord's house and participate in temple ordinances?
Note: Refusal of a temple recommend is an effective way to discipline members.
I don’t know, it’s been 15 years since I quit and she hasn’t been denied, yet.
In support of your “callings” comment, I will offer that the number of members who accept callings is way down and the fact that my wife continues to accept callings may be one of those factors they take into account. “Keep her active and we’ll have a warm body to do work.” kind of thing.
SZ