Replies

More monologue (Dave should hire me):

I know it’s shocking to find out I’m just another Hollywood jerk schtupping the hired help but you sort of knew all along. The real story here is here is that I’m not gay.

Did you here about that creepy wierdo who kidnapped and raped Pamela Smart. I thank God every day that I have a steady supply of willing young women.

The other day my wife asked me why I chose some low-level staffer over her. I had to admit they were both equally good at fetching my laundry.

My biggest fear is that my son Harry will think I’m a creep. My son’s greatest fear is that I’ll steal his prom date.

This whole sad incident has taught me to really appreciate my wife. I realize now that if I down three shots of Jack and close my eyes, she feels just like a dopey 24 year-old.

You’ll be happy to hear that I patched things up my wife. I called Roman Polanski for advice. Half a quaalude and a bottle of champagne does the trick.

People think it’s disgusting that a old guy like me was messing around with young girls but you know what they say. You’re only as old as what you feel up.