Posted on 09/08/2009 5:02:23 PM PDT by SJackson
At the height of the Intifada, the Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued, they would someday end up destroying the world.
So they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with a dogfight.
The negotiators agreed that each country would take five years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its country the right to rule the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy from each litter, killed all the other puppies and fed the lone dog all of the milk. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine, until, after the five years were up, they had a dog that needed iron prison bars on his cage. Only the trainers could handle this beast.
When the day of the big fight arrived, the Israelis showed up with a strange animal: It was a nine-foot-long Dachshund.
Everyone felt sorry for the Israelis. No one else thought this weird animal stood a chance against the growling beast in the Arab camp. The bookies predicted the Arabs would win in less than a minute.
The cages were opened. The Dachshund waddled toward the center of the ring. The Arab dog leapt from his cage and charged the giant wiener-dog.
As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast in one bite. There was nothing left but a small bit of fur from the killer dog's tail.
The Arabs approached the Israelis, shaking their heads in disbelief.
"We do not understand. Our top scientists and breeders worked for five
years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans and Rottweilers. They developed a killing machine."
"Really?" the Israelis replied. "We had our top plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund!"
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This is a variation of an old southern joke about a poor black man with an ugly yellow dog. Finally, patrons of a bar offer him a lot of money if his dog can beat the mean pit bull in back of the bar, and he agrees.
To the dismay of most everyone, the ugly yellow dog easily beats the pit bull, and they demand to know what breed of dog it is.
“A’fore I cut off’n his tail, I call’ him an alleegator!”
When I heard it, the big yellow dog was a lion.
I think my version was from H. Allen Smith’s “Rude Jokes”, an almost impossible joke book to get any more. Available only in pocket book, the nationwide search for my copy took at least six months before a single hit.
It is truly a great collection, and I have the one they found carefully preserved. Its cover was by Jack Davis, of Mad Magazine fame.
But I’ll be darned. Amazon has 1 copy available for $103.82
“Leaping Frog of Calaveras County” sort of revisited. :’) Or somethin’.
Actually it was “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County”. Just sayin’:)
:’)
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