Demasculation of America's Boys

Townhall.com ^ | September 8, 2009 | Rebecca hagelin

[Kaslin]

Every time I write about how the modern culture seems dead-set on destroying the confidence of America's little boys, I am swamped with e-mail. It seems that everyone with a son or grandson has a story to tell about how manhood and chivalry are under attack. Last week I heard from a dad, Bill, who echoes the sentiments of many: "The boys are getting emasculated and wimpy/passive as they're now intimidated by girls due to fear of sex harassment charges and pro-female/anti male societal/educational tilts."

Sadly, he's right. As a mom of two sons and a youth leader I have seen how boys cringe when television shows depict boys as crude and stupid while the girls are always smart and powerful. I've experienced their confusion when girls snub them for opening the door. One day I observed the pained looks on the faces of male highschool students when a teacher explained that a major assignment would be to watch a movie of their choice and write a paper on how women in the film are discriminated against.

The attacks on our boys are endless and very purposeful: if they are taught to be nothing more than crude dolts then they will become emasculated men who keep to themselves. And the women will end up wearing the pants.

I've also observed on countless occasions a minor, but powerful, display of how ours is quickly becoming a culture where men are having trouble being men: females struggling alone to lift a heavy suitcase into the overhead compartment on a plane all the while surrounded by men who pretend they don't see.

My reader, Bill, also said:

"The feminists that sold us on there being no discernable difference between men and women except their plumbing have done an immeasurable disservice to women, the family, and hence society."

I would add that this trend toward emasculation is also destroying the dignity and potential of countless young boys.

Decide to raise your sons to be gentlemen - that means teaching them to be both courageous and considerate. To create young men of valor, you have to spend a significant amount of time deprogramming them of the lies the culture bombards them with at every turn. Talk about the raunchy scenes in TV shows, commercials and music that depict males as irrelevant or disposable. Or better yet, filter out those messages altogether.

If you are a dad or the primary male in the life of a boy, the most effective method to ensure that he becomes a man of dignity is to consciously model the behavior for him. If you are a mom with no positive adult male to help you raise your son, find one.

Seek out great organizations like the Boy Scouts or find a church family that will help you. In the meantime, develop a habit of reading stories of brave, kind men so they can imagine themselves becoming that way too. One great resource for books, tapes and movies to help you raise boys you can be proud of is www.VisionForum.com.

America really needs more than just a few good men - help your son be one of them.

[AppyPappy]

Addams Family Values:

Amanda: Is that your bathing suit?
Wednesday: Is that your overbite?
Gary: Now, one of you will be the drowning victim and the other one gets to be our lifesaver.
Amanda: I’ll be the victim!
Wednesday: All your life.

[Lucky Dog]

p.s. I would recommend getting rid of the term "fairer sex" because some of us find that a demeaning term. Try female gender instead or lovely ladies or ?????

Why?

[DYngbld]

While I am still hopeful that there will be good men left for them to marry, I realize the search might be difficult. My girls have been raised to apply the "gold standard" and to not settle for less than being treated the way their Dad treats me (and them).

I take my girls out on a "Date" a few times a year, each one individually. We have a good dinner at a nice restaurant of there choice, and some activity again of their choice. I want them to grow up knowing how they are supposed to be treated. My wife and I have a wonderful relationship (18 years next month), so I hope my wife has been a good example as to how to treat men, and what to expect and a good relationship.

I have great children that are a joy to be around and can not brag about them enough.

[AppyPappy]

One word

Australian Rules Football... A man’s sport

OK more than one word.

[Tax-chick]

I’ve found John Eldredge’s books very informative and helpful. Also (with reservations), Michael Gurian’s books.

[naturalman1975]

The Australian Army Cadet Corps, the Australian Air Force Cadets, and the Australian Navy Cadets, provide a lot of what is needed for 13 year olds up. And in recent years, police and fire brigade cadets have emerged as well, which also do the same type of thing, but are somewhat more palatable to some mothers.

[Oberon]

You know, feminists can have their say, and in some arenas they dominate... but I have this theory that if you raise a boy to be a wise, strong, ethical, masculine man, he will never have a problem finding a mate.

[MSF BU]

That was quick. And it sounds like you have a portion of the same knucklehead-mothers that we do. Hopefully there are dads, uncles and granddads as a counterweight.

[naturalman1975]

Aerial Ping Pong... I'm a Rugby Union man (despite having attended an Aussie Rules school, and teaching in one...).

Really any physical sport will do, when you get down to it. We require all boys to do sport year round. Most come to love it.

[P8riot]

My late in life baby (Sam) is 7yrs old and is a Wolf Cub. Our pack/troop is all home-schoolers and we have been off for the summer and start up again on 9/14. Sam got his Wolf Cub book back in May and has already completed all but two requirements for his Wolf Badge. He has also earned three arrow points (once he gets his Wolf badge), his Conservation Award, and his Religious Emblem. He wants to be an Eagle Scout too, and at this rate he will, probably by the time he’s 14, like I did.

[naturalman1975]

Yeah, we do - and yeah, lots of men try to make a difference.

But I have to say, if the mothers won’t let their sons be involved in Defence Force Cadets, fire brigade cadets are a great deal better than nothing - there’s nothing wrong with having a fireman as your rolemodel in life.

[BlueLancer]

"We use Kipling's If.. as our template of what a man is."

It's easy to grin
When your ship comes in
And you've got the stock market beat.
But the man worthwhile,
Is the man who can smile,
When his shorts are too tight in the seat.
Judge Smails

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

RESISTOR

Swear allegiance to the flag, whatever flag they offer;
Never hint at what you really feel.
Teach the children quietly for, someday, sons and daughters
Will rise up and fight while we stood still.

Der Elite Møøsënspåånkængrüppen ØberKømmändø (EMØØK)

[naturalman1975]

I’ll have to check that one out and add it to my repertoire.

[AppyPappy]

Women view things from a different perspective. Men want their sons to learn the lessons of life. Women want to protect them from harm and hurt and disappointment. Women want to make excuses for their son’s behavior. That’s why people describe crimes as “mistakes” now. “He meant to go to his locker and get his math book but he raped another student by accident. It’s not his fault. He’s a victim.”. A lot of single moms play the victim role like they were on stage. “He’s a good boy. He didn’t mean to kill that carload of people. It’s not his fault. He got in with the wrong crowd. His father left. He’s all I have. WHAT ABOUT ME?”.

[Mygirlsmom]

The author neglects to mention the proliferation of behavior modifying drugs (Ritalin, Prozac, etc.)which are being prescribed overwhelmingly to young boys.

You've nailed it right there--the natural tendencies of young boys are "too inconvenient" for many parents and nearly all educators. The little pill makes things so nice and manageable with barely any effort at all.

That is not to say there are not legitimate uses for these drugs, only that it's waayyyyy too convenient pop a pill rather than work with the child toward modifying behavior, much of which comes from a severe lack of the proper type of attention.

My husband and I have worked with tons of kids, and it's heartbreaking how many are severely lacking in having this basic need met. Oh, they are well fed, have every last "thing" they could ask for, but not the one thing they need the most, which is quality time with the adults charged with molding them into the next generation of responsible adults.

[OpusatFR]

Oh, yes indeed.

One of mine was hounded out of a class in the Criminal Justice course entitled Women and Domestic Violence (or something to that effect).

He was the only male in the class and took an inordinate amount of verbal abuse from the girls and women, and the female instructor.

One girl turned in her seat and hit him on the chest.

He dropped the class and changed degree programs.

Yes, he complained but was told he was a big guy (6’ 3”) so too bad about it.

[Rebelbase]

“If men are so disposable, why cant women seem to raise sons alone? Why are so many young men from single women households or homes where men come and go for the night, such a problem for society once they become teens and young adults? Its because women cant do it alone, they cant be a father figure and society is being crippled by it.”

There are a few single mom lady friends in my life who every now and then call me for advice in raising their boys. At some point or another every one of them have broken down and thought they were a “bad mother”. I’ve told everyone of them that they are not bad mothers, but they are lousy fathers and that is the problem. Getting them to realize they have to get a male figure involved, like the granddad or even the absentee father in certain situations has helped to resolve a lot of issues with the kids.

[MSF BU]

I agree. In our country very commonly you get both because of the veterans preferance laws. Massachusetts, despite being a wing-nut commonwealth in many ways, has laws favoring veterans that are so tough that a white male who is not a veteran has a very difficult time becoming a police officer or fireman. The positive side is that both forces get personnel who have already been through the military successfully, and that is a good benchmark for meeting police/fire standards.

[tom h]

Ensuring boys do not become more emasculated deserves an entire column in itself. Some ideas:

Throw away your son’s iPod, X-Box, video games, etc.; or ban them except for limited times on weekends, and never during the day in summer.

Get them involved in hard work outdoors — building fences, trail-clearing work (if teenagers), car maintenance, painting outdoors, etc. Boys WANT to be real guys but they need examples from their Dads or other trusted men.

Boy Scouts is great. But most boys outgrow it by 15, totally by 16. So try the local Civil Air Patrol squadron or the local Coast Guard Auxiliary. Both a quasi-military but there will be no shortage of decent men serving as role models, and the boys will get their hands dirty and be doing real work.

Talk to them about the differences between boys and girls and teach them to honor and respect women, first their Mom and sisters, then all others. Tell them to ignore what they hear in school, and on the Disney Channel.

Take them out off-road on ATVs or to the local indoor shooting or skeet range. Nothing makes a 12-15 year old feel “like a man” than when his Dad does such with him

[naturalman1975]

That is not to say there are not legitimate uses for these drugs, only that it's waayyyyy too convenient pop a pill rather than work with the child toward modifying behavior, much of which comes from a severe lack of the proper type of attention.

Yes, my sister-in-law is a neurologist involved in researchers here that actually does brain scans looking at the brains of supposedly ADHD boys. Her estimate is that maybe one in ten of them genuinely have a condition that medication will help with. The rest, it's largely lack of discipline.