I am a PK so in church all my life. I was a rebellious teenager. When I was 17, I remember vividly being burdened under the weight of my sin during a church service. I was in tears. The Spirit was drawing me to Christ but I would not listen. I figured I had plenty of time and I was not willing to give up my sin. I walked out of church and the Spirit left me. Even in my rebellion, I had always believed in God and knew the Bible was true. I knew if I died in my sin I was going to hell. I had always loved church. I became apathetic about life, further distanced from my family after this experience at church. About a year and a half later, the Spirit began dealing with my heart again. I recalled the scripture that God will not always strive with man. I believed that He would not continue to draw me if I didn’t obey this time. So I obeyed. The realization that I may not have a next time really opened my eyes to sse the truth of the situation. I always knew I needed God but I thought I had plenty of time. So I guess I changed my mind.
That would mean that you were smarter than the guy who ultimately rejects Christ.
My journey was somewhat similar to yours in that I ran from God and he kept chasing me down and ultimately I surrendered. I did not change my mind. God changed my heart. That made me willing. He did not force me to chose to follow him, as I had willingly made the choice to run from God, even though at every turn I heard his call. I didn't do anything other than stop long enough for the Holy Spirit to change my heart. It seemed like I chose Christ, but as the bible says, We loved him because he first loved us, and as Christ said, You have not chosen me, but I have chosen you.
Even the disciples needed reminding that it was not their choice to follow Christ, but that it was Christ's choice that they would follow him.
In the end, I don't think it matters a whole lot whether or not we ever recognize that it was God who saved us from ourselves and not us saving ourselves by some exercise of our own will. However I find it comforting knowing that God directs my steps and that when I find that through some circumstance of life or my own dumb decisions I find myself in the valley of the shadow of death, I will know that this is where I am now and I am here because God wants me to be here.
I also am convinced that the road you traveled was the road God placed you on and that the final destination is where God is leading you now.
God Bless,
Marlowe