I know that life is not fair and that everyone goes through identity issues. I was stating that those issues are magnified when you are adopted. The only issue is that these questions start when you are around 6 or so and never go away.
And I do not blame anyone who wants to know where they came from. The state did what the law required and this woman ignored a letter asking if she was ok with this, so she is at fault for this.
No she isn't. The State had no right to barge into her life, she never gave them permission to do so.
Ignoring the contact should indicate that she is not ok with it.
Writing back and saying it's ok would be the indicator that she is ok with it.
And I said that many people have identity issues and that you, chae, have no way of measuring which ones are greater. It varies from one individual to the next, regardless. But I do hear that you have been telling yourself that your issues are entirely attributable to adoption; and I'm more supportive to you than you seem able to hear in telling you that your issues may not be any worse than the next guy. What I do know is that your beliefs about your perceived situation are more powerful than the facts. You can't change the past; you can change your beliefs.
And I do not blame anyone who wants to know where they came from. The state did what the law required and this woman ignored a letter asking if she was ok with this, so she is at fault for this.
Why blame anyone? You seem to feel that blaming someone will help. It won't. The facts are that the state made a mistake, ignored its promise of confidentiality, assumed it could interfere with a person's privacy based on one letter that may just as well have gotten lost in the mail, and now is being sued. Those are the facts. You have a need to "blame" the victim of rape all over again. Ease up. Neither she nor her offspring need to be blamed. It is up to the mother whether she wants to meet the offspring. She doesn't. It's none of the state's business to force her to produce positive emotions about this person who has interloped intrusively instead of taking a more discreet approach.