Posted on 06/15/2009 8:19:28 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
he first week of April had me visiting many of the major national television programs to talk about my new book, "In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms."
One typical concern various interviewers shared was the problem of taking care of children at home by a parent when theres been a divorce, which generally results in day care and a working custodial parent . . . usually the mother.
I respond by pointing out two concepts I believe are truths. One, that the quality of love and attention of a parent is superior to that of hired help (nanny, day-care worker, baby sitter), and two, that children have the best opportunity to grow up healthy, happy, and functional with a married mommy and daddy. That some people cant or wont provide those things doesnt change their importance to a child.
I remember when my husband and I decided to become parents. I specifically asked: Is there any reason you can see after all the years weve known each other that you might decide to divorce me? Because if there is even an ounce of ambivalence in either of us to this marital commitment, we shouldnt have a child and risk the quality of their lives.
My follow-up joke was, I would not consider divorce. However, if you see me driving a trash truck right at you while my face is scowling look out!
Sadly, too many folks dont consider these issues out loud before they marry and before they have children. When the stresses of life pile up, their individual or mutual inability to live by their vows evaporates.
Of course, the bond may be broken irrevocably when violence, addictions, and/or infidelities occur.
(Excerpt) Read more at newsmax.com ...
Not sure anyone is saying “under any circumstances”
Obviously the person you referred to was a dangerous person. I would suggest divorce in that case.
But divorcing because “we just aren’t in love” is selfish.
“Love” can wait until the kids are grown.
So what if mother Angelica does it nicer? They probably target very different audiences. Its a good thing if the basic ideas are as widespread as possible. People who listen to Lauras show arent likely to tune in Angelica,,or vice-versa.
To be fair, it's typically hard on the kids to have a new "dad" come in if the old "dad" wasn't an obvious piece of trash to them.
It’s far more complicated. My daughter is 4 months pregnant and has been diagnosed with cancer. His lack of compassion (more focused on how she can support him) is beyond troubling.
Horrible situation. All I can say is that he should not move out. If she wants to leave, that’s her choice. He should stay and try to keep the kids.
I agree that the dad often gets screwed in these situations. I haven’t been thru this, so my advice is somewhat empty. But if he can be a “chump” for his kids sake, it may be better.
Why not?
I'm afraid at that point it's time to sit everyone down together and say, "Are you going to tell them, or shall I?"
It's extremely unfair in the long run for the kids to have illusions about what happened. Dads frequently get ripped on in absentia because they are too nice to put the nasty truth out there.
After experiencing this and witnessing it in many other cases, I don't think it's the best thing for the kids when the adults hide a parent's sins after those sins have destroyed their family.
Maybe he could hold his temper long enough to visit the other guy and warn him fairly that if she was a rat to her old mate she will probably be a rat to her new one too. You know, like telling the truth when passing on a used car with a blown gasket.
The husband is a jerk.
My best regards for your daughter.
“Sometimes the people who have screwed up life the most are the exact ones who should dish out advice. “
I prefer to get advice from winners, not losers. Wanna get rich, stop taking advice from people who have failed to do so. Wanna have a sane life, stop taking advice from people who have failed to do so. Common sense.
Sounds like she would like to keep this “marriage in name only” for convenience’ sake.
It would be better for the boys to stay with him and for her to go. Girls would be the opposite situation. He could offer to pay her a lump sum to just go, then he would have no more need to fume. Let the new guy have the trash on a silver platter.
Like I said, I’m not suggesting she gives bad advice, it’s just that I don’t need to hear it screeched at me. My wife still listens from time to time, but only in a room where I’m not.
She’s a Jerry Springer type with somewhat better morals.
Got it. So never give a fair listen to anyone who made a poor choice, when they are explaining how it affected things. Flight training, law enforcement training, and business educuation, the nuclear power industry, NASA, etc, all disagree with you.
Its common sense.
When it comes to people’s moral lives, it makes sense to ask the erring one to have repented to the best of his or her circumstances before he or she is looked to for sound advice. NASA can build a new rocket ship if the old one crashes. You are stuck with the mortal identity you got.
Why would it be better for a girl to go away with the cheating mom, and live around that kind of man? Daughter would be just as good to be with dad. In fact, a good argument can be made that a daughter needs a solid dad even more, or at least as much, as a mom. (especially a mom with a problem like that)
No. My brother is a proud Marine Corps officer. The guy she cheated with is lucky he’s still breathing. He wants to kill the guy. He fantasizes about it. He’s in therapy to get ahold of that anger. If he’s ever in the same room with the guy, it will be trouble. If he had caught her red handed back when this first happened, there’s no doubt in my mind he would have killed the guy with his bare hands.
>> Dr. Laura comes on after Rush at work so we listen to her show just to keep some background noise. Most days we can’t make it through her show. IMO she SUCKS! She never gives her callers a chance to speak, and even though she says she is just being straight forward, I think that a lot of the time she is plain insulting. I agree with not sugar coating things, but insulting people isn’t a good substitute. <<
If you have a PC, listen to Jerry Doyle, a lot better than crazy Laura and he is pretty entertaining.
Yep, thats very true. And that is how i see her currently acting.
All i see here is criticism of Laura for how she may have lived 20 years ago. She’s pretty clearly trying to live a repented life now, if she was wild back then. I dont see anyone saying she isn’t living out the morals she advances on her show.
I’m guessing a daughter would probably be emotionally torn less that way, especially if there was visitation and the pair tried to make their parting as externally amicable as possible. But since there are only sons, they would definitely do better with dad and just dad. They would hate this new guy’s guts if forced to be with him.
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