Paraphrased from earlier posts:
How the Empire was Born
Once upon a time, before the death of the American Republic, a man named Chrysler went bankrupt, and his house was being sold at auction by the Sheriff.
The Republic was ruled by Law, and under that law, the Sheriff was required to sell the house to the highest bidder, and use the proceeds, first, to pay off the mortgage to the Bank of Retired Indiana Teachers and Policeman. Any remaining monies could then be used to pay the Maid, or any of Mr. Chryslers other outstanding debts.
But the Sheriff was a powerful man, if less than honest, and he was in bed with Mr. Chrysler’s Maid. He wanted to protect her, as she and her friends gave him great support, and kept him in office, through scandal after scandal.
So the Sheriff made a plan. He made a deal with his friend, the Assessor, to pay the Assessor $10M dollars, if the Assessor would value Mr. Chrysler’s house for pennies on the dollar. The catch was that the Assessor would only get paid, if the Maid was successful in buying the house for the discounted value that the Assessor established. So the Assessor drafted a paper, claiming that the house was abandoned and rapidly falling apart, and thus was only worth about $2B. To prove this, he got some fake bids on the house from the Sheriff’s friends, for slightly less than this value.
At the same time, the Sheriff went to the bank of TARP, and claimed that Mr. Chrysler’s house was worth full value, about $30B. And he cosigned for a loan for the Maid, that she might buy Mr. Chrysler’s house. In order to do this, the Sheriff had to lie, and proclaim that the Maid was a bank – Mr. Chrysler’s mortgage company objected, but the Sheriff said, “I won. The Maid is a bank if I say she is.”
So the bank of TARP lent the Maid about $5B, that she might buy Mr. Chrysler’s house, and have a little slush money going forward.
And the Sheriff called an auction – instead of advertising it, however, he told only the maid when and where it would be.
And the Maid came to the auction, and as she was the only bidder, and thus the highest bidder, she bought Mr. Chrysler’s house for pennies on the dollar. The $2B value the Assessor had dishonestly established. And the Sheriff paid the Assessor his $10M fee.
And the evil Sheriff, instead of paying off the mortgage on Mr. Chrysler’s house, then paid the Maid’s back wages with the proceeds, and put a big chunk aside for the maid’s retirement fund.
And again he told the mortgage company, “I won.” And he paid them 29 cents on the dollar, instead of the full value of the loan, which they were entitled to under the law.
The mortgage company then cried, if we are not ruled by law – we are ruled by the evil Sheriff!
And that was the day the Republic died, and the Evil Empire was born.
The End.