And there is much wisdom in this...similar to a man who is rotten to his wife for 28 years, fools around, says 'sorry' to the wife, and demands to come back home. It behooves the wife to let him be lonely for a long while: he'll either repent, strengthen through suffering, and learn the value of what is lost...or end up in the gutter where he was headed anyway. If she let's him come home without the 'cleansing' and new, real commitment, it is bad for both...and the kids, too. Change takes time and lonliness. Desperate loneliness. And an ability to part with selfishness, pride and impatience that gets a guy to that place to begin with; and a giving-up of the self-directed life....acknowledging that there is One who knows better. And breaking is the only way to start back to sanity in-earnest.
Like that. That's what to do. Tough love.
A church is an extended family, bound by spirit, not flesh. Like-dynamics apply to both, I reckon.
Not at all what you're trying to twist things into, by whatever motivates you.
Source: John Hagee, from the sermon "How Do You Forgive When You Can't Forget"