Posted on 03/20/2009 7:59:40 PM PDT by GodGunsGuts
LOLOL!
Amen!
thats funny....you do realize he is a Methodist pastor....and a (ahem) "mature" one at that...
That's right. xzins is so "mature", he was there when they wrote the Bible.
Noahs got nuttin on him
I am so mature that I invented the word!
Was that BC or AD?
It was AD 68...a few months before the preterist Jesus returned for the rapture. :>)
Being English, my instructor, the really, really, really ancient and venerable pre-Bede, said to me "Forsook illiath glynith bereeveanon!"
And I believed him.
An interesting perspective on things can be found in the Hebrew-Jewish “mysticism”, which more properly could be called the Hebrew-Jewish “philosophy” within Kabbalah. In short, it deals to a large extent with their beliefs and understandings surrounding the Book of Genesis.
In short, it is a treatise on cosmology, the origins and order of the universe. To a great degree, it is a lot less conflicted with how science sees the origins of the universe today, than is just a straight reading of Genesis.
These concepts lie under a layer of mysticism, no doubt created by people far more interested in magic than cosmology. But if you set aside that part, you see some profound and very modern insights to cosmology, inductively reached over a long period of time.
The truly strange part is that if you take modern cosmology as a whole, within it you find unresolved arguments, some of which would agree with Kabbalah. That is, you could cherry pick scientific cosmology and to a great extent it would be in agreement with some of the Kabbalistic ideas.
Intriguing, to say the least.
Wait, but of course, that would make you .... Joseph of Armithea
ARTHUR: There! Look!
LAUNCELOT: What does it say?
GALAHAD: What language is that?
ARTHUR: Brother Maynard! You are a scholar.
MAYNARD: It's Aramaic!
GALAHAD: Of course! Joseph of Arimathea!
LAUNCELOT: 'Course!
ARTHUR: What does it say?
MAYNARD: It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea.
He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle
of uuggggggh'.
ARTHUR: What?
MAYNARD: '... the Castle of uuggggggh'.
BEDEVERE: What is that?
MAYNARD: He must have died while carving it.
LAUNCELOT: Oh, come on!
MAYNARD: Well, that's what it says.
ARTHUR: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aaggggh'. He'd
just say it!
MAYNARD: Well, that's what's carved in the rock!
GALAHAD: Perhaps he was dictating.Ok, x, where did you hide the grail?
And while you're fessing up, where did you hide the Ark?
And WHO was the first Authority to determine which works were, and which works were NOT, officially, from the prophets?
The Jewish Rabbinate of course!
So I take it you'll be converting to Judaism now?
Shalom.
Btw, xzins, did you know that your picture is in the Oxford English Dictionary under the entry for "gullible"? :^P
Shalom.
LOL I’m telling that one to my buddies at the next game night.
By the way, once had a Catholic Monsignor, in a class for adults, (I was sponsoring someone to join the Church), ask where the word “testament” came from.
Of course it means “promise” or “pact” or “covenant” -— that is all he wanted.
Of course, however, the word itself came from the Romans placing their hands over their reproductive organs, when making a promise. The point was, “If I can not keep this promise, my children will”.
Think "testes". I tried to wiggle out of answering the question, but finally I did.
It was more information than he wanted, but it was the truth!
A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.
So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.”
So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what’s wrong.
“The word is celebrate not celibate,” says the old monk with tears in his eyes.
Why did I get pinged on this bit of light-hearted nonsense?
Btw, I'd like to point out that the rabbis rejected Maccabees and the rest of the apocryphal books as Scripture (though they retained them as historical works) for a very simple reason: There were no prophets between about 400 BCE and Yeshua's times. In fact, Maccabees even makes a point of stating that there were no prophets then in the land, when they were trying to figure out what to do with the defiled altar stones.
No prophets, no Scripture.
Shalom.
Because old man xzins was reminiscing about the AD 70 Rapture.
Apparently he was "Left Behind".
We thought you might be interested.
because you are one of my favorite light-hearted, nonsensical kind of guys. Besides, I always offer you a chance to reply to my preterist Jesus snarks. :>)
And...who knows...you might just know a decent joke or two.
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