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Great report, BufordP!!!

It was a horrific scene inside Walter Reed as hundreds of reporters and media sycophants trampled each other in an effort to get close to "The One". I got my leg tingled by Chris Matthews as he rushed "The One" again and again. The secret service finally had to escort him feet first from the facility.

It's a good thing most of the troops were outside and safe with you guys. There was one poor soldier in traction that the nurses tried to shield behind a partition but Katie Couric saw him and stood outside the room screeching "Mr. President! Mr. President!! I found one! Over here, your highness!" Not to be outdone, Brian Williams pretended to get his hair caught in the elevator doors thus distracting "the One" from Katie's find and allowing the duty nurses to wisk the wounded warrior out of the ward before anyone noticed that Williams was faking it.

Being good lefties and anti-war idiots, several members of the "media" broke into the Red Cross office and began wolfing down the Valentine's Day candy sent by supporters all over the country. They ate all the little heart-shaped candies except the ones that said "You're the one", which they were saving for their Dear Leader, of course. Keith Olbermann was particularly disgusting! He emerged from the office with chocolate stains all over his bright pink shirt claiming that he was attacked by some phantom Candy Stripers.

This fake but accurate report brought to you by FReeper Media.

See you guys this week!