Philosopher’s Song
Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable.
Heideggar, Heideggar was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume Schoppenhauer and Hegel. And Whittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.
There’s nothing Nieizsche couldn’t teach ‘ya ‘bout the raising of the wrist. Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stewart Mill, of his own free will On half a pint of shanty was particularly ill.
Plato they say could stick it away, Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle, And Hoppes was fond of his dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart. “I drink, therefore I am.”
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed; A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he’s pissed.
Has no one pinged you yet?
This is quite possible, considering that Hume was an immensely bloated atheist glutton. Legend has it that he once fell into a bog and couldn't get out. An old lady recognized him as the famous fat atheist, and offered to help extricate his carcass, on the condition that he say an Our Father, which he did.
In his later years, the atheist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre could be found in his favorite cafes eating his favorite breakfast of runny eggs and mayonnaise over and over. He would blather about communism while groping his female-fans' rear-ends, yolk and mayo streamed down his face.