[TalonDJ]

A woman would look at that same fact and take it as evidence that marriage makes many men complacent about putting in the time necessary to develop a good response

So the guy is left confused. Is he thought he could get her in the mood he would. He either does not know how to consistantly do that or he things it is far too much work for little payoff. It is a mutual problem requiring a mutual solution, but until he starts thinking that bar is not too high to be worth the trouble then things ain't getting fixed.

[Scotswife]

so now it is a “little” payoff?
And the bar cannot be set “too high”?