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'Saturday Night Live' mocks Governor Paterson's blindness, past drug useSaturday Night Live pushed the envelope last night with... Fred Armisen as Paterson during a segment on "Weekend Update." ...Armisen, as Paterson, says he has three criteria: economic experience, upstate influence and someone with a disability who is completely unprepared for the job - just like him. "I want to choose a senator not from the glitzy coke parties of Manhattan but rather from the shabbier coke circles of upstate new york," he said. "I'm tired of all these fancy, two-eyed smart alecs from the big city running the whole show. It's time we get someone from Utica, Syracuse or Schnectady - towns where people have something a little off about him. I mean, they don't have to be blind," he said. "I just need someone with like a gamey arm or maybe the giant gums with the tiny teeth. Let's get one of those in the Senate." The fake Paterson points out that he only became governor because of former Gov. Eliot Spitzer's prostition scandal. "Whoever is appointed senator must - like me - be caught totally off guard and be comically unprepared to take office," he said. "Come on, I'm a blind man who loves cocaine who was suddenly appointed governor of New York. My life is an actual plot from a Richard Pryor movie." |
ACTUAL HEADLINE:
Paterson In A Blind Rage Over 'SNL' Skit
Governor Paterson proposes 'Obesity Tax,' a tax on non-diet sodasGov. Paterson, as part of a $121 billion budget to be unveiled Tuesday, will propose an "obesity tax" of about 15% on nondiet drinks. This means a Diet Coke might sell for a $1 - even as the same size bottle of its calorie-rich alter ego would go for $1.15. Paterson's budget also calls for a 3% cut in education spending, a $620-a-year tuition hike at SUNY and a $600 increase at CUNY - and about $3.5 billion in health care cuts, a source said. The Democratic governor will not call for a broad-based income tax boost, but he will push to restore the sales tax on clothing and footwear... State employees again will be asked to forgo their 3% raises next year and defer five days' pay until they leave their jobs, the source said. In all, Paterson will propose about $9 billion in cuts, $4 billion in new taxes and fees, and $1.5 billion in nonrecurring revenue, a second source said. The so-called obesity tax would generate an estimated $404 million a year. Milk, juice, diet soda and bottled water would be exempt from the tax... Public health advocates welcomed news of the tax, saying it would help the fight against childhood obesity. "Raising the price of this liquid candy will put children and teens on a path to a healthier diet," said Elie Ward of the American Academy of Pediatrics of New York State.
by Glenn Blain and Kenneth Lovett
with Edgar Sandoval and Erica Pearson
Daily News Albany Bureau
Sunday, December 14th 2008
[and now, the buried lead:] The Paterson administration also announced steps yesterday to expand the state's social services net, including a 30% increase in welfare payments over three years starting January 2010, increased money for food banks and expanded access to the state's Family Health Plus program. Paterson also hopes to make it easier for people to enroll in Medicaid by eliminating face-to-face interviews and fingerprinting requirements.