Posted on 12/13/2008 4:13:29 AM PST by reaganaut1
The paradigm has shifted. Dating is dated. Hooking up is here to stay.
...
To help me understand this phenomenon, I called Kathleen Bogle, a professor at La Salle University in Philadelphia who has studied hooking up among college students and is the author of the 2008 book, “Hooking Up: Sex, Dating and Relationships on Campus.”
It turns out that everything is the opposite of what I remember. Under the old model, you dated a few times and, if you really liked the person, you might consider having sex. Under the new model, you hook up a few times and, if you really like the person, you might consider going on a date.
I asked her to explain the pros and cons of this strange culture. According to her, the pros are that hooking up emphasizes group friendships over the one-pair model of dating, and, therefore, removes the negative stigma from those who can’t get a date. As she put it, “It used to be that if you couldn’t get a date, you were a loser.” Now, she said, you just hang out with your friends and hope that something happens.
The cons center on the issues of gender inequity. Girls get tired of hooking up because they want it to lead to a relationship (the guys don’t), and, as they get older, they start to realize that it’s not a good way to find a spouse. Also, there’s an increased likelihood of sexual assaults because hooking up is often fueled by alcohol.
That’s not good. So why is there an increase in hooking up? According to Professor Bogle, it’s: the collapse of advanced planning, lopsided gender ratios on campus, delaying marriage, relaxing values and sheer momentum.
(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...
You have a good point. I do so detest the NYT though. Their contempt for their own readers intelligence just drips from every page.
Not dating was one of the best decisions I ever made,too... and I did it again in my late 20’s. Tired of the dating scene (disco came back screaming for vengeance, you know!), I just opted out. And I still look back on that time fondly. My career took off, my house never looked better, I spent more time with friends and family. And I figured out what I really wanted in a boyfriend/husband.
LOL...I hope my son meets a gal like me someday, too. :)
Why would a woman marry a man who "hooks-up" with her and who has a long history of hook-ups with other women in the past, with the sexual diseases ... to go along with them? If she does marry him, why should she be confident that her marriage will last, rather than being a 1-2yr hookup?
Don't be a dupe who swallows this bull. This statistic is a lie, made up by those who poo-poo marriage or are trying to hijack the institution. The figure takes into account those who divorce and remarry multiple times - serial divorcers.
That said, the rate is still too high. And I believe it is increasing due to the seeds of social anarchy planted in the 60's and nurtured through the 70's.
Not me. I just didn't go to disco places.
LLS
Our 31 year old son was married at age 20 (so was I; so was the bride's dad). His bride was 18 (so was mine; so was the bride's mom).
Our son and the young lady did not begin to see each other at all until all six of us (couple and both sets of parents) had breakfast together one Summer morning and had a good long discussion of principles, rules and procedures. There was neither debate nor argument, we agreed, read the Scriptures and had prayer for God's wisdom and spiritual and moral protection for the couple.
During that year, until their wedding day, the couple was only together on family outings and church outings, or at our house or her family's house for dinner and games, Bible study, prayer, etc.
The couple was never one time off alone together in an automobile or anyplace else. They stayed at all times where family members could see them, even if their conversations could not always be overheard.
At the mid point of that year the couple determined they wanted to marry, and my son approached her dad about a formal engagement. Her dad called me. We both felt they had proved very positive things about themselves. Her dad consented to a formal engagement.
During the last three months of that year, the couple would take walks together in the evenings . . . from the house to the end of the driveway, oh, about 150 yards. Any family member (the bride was one of 8 children) could glance from the house and see the couple.
The couple never so much as held hands until her father, at the marriage altar, placed the bride's hand in the groom's hand and stated that he was giving her to him. Neither had ever been with another. Their first kiss and first embrace was upon our pastor pronouncing them husband and wife.
That was twelve years ago. They are head over heels in love today. They have given us three grandchildren thus far. They serve as missionaries in an Asian country.
This kind of good example is still possible today.
The story of our daughter's courtship is very similar, meaning that there is yet another family with similar convictions and principles. Actually there are thousands and thousands of us.
“For some reason the term “Hooking Up” reminds me of dogs.”
Your are close, very close....
Just curious, but how old are you? Not to disparage you, but I got a dose of it a couple of years ago.
I worked with a group of “kids” (I am in my late 40’s and they were 23, 24 years old) and I suggested that when we were on a business trip that we check into the hotel, and then “hook up” for dinner.
First I got some funny looks. Then they laughed at me.
Then they explained the change in terms.
I felt very old.
I was a bouncer at disco places. I wore ear plugs. It was torture.
And in my life, too, that seems to the be trend. In my family of 3 siblings, 2 have divorced. But assuming your own circle of experience represents the whole is a mistake. I've heard this 50% statistic refuted several times. If I find the link, I'll post it.
I would like to read it if you find it. Sometimes divorce really is the fault of one party... I married far too young and far too ignorant. I thought I had to get married to become a man... what an idiot I was. Thank GOD we had no children.
LLS
There were places to go that didn’t play disco? (grin)
I was just tired of the whole dating scene altogether back then and it was a good time(good excuse to my pals) to focus on more important things. It wasn’t all bad, I met my future husband during that era.
“Numbers don’t lie”
They certainly don’t.
“Today, pleasure and egoism, or even immorality, are often exalted, in the name of false ideals of freedom and happiness.” It is necessary to reaffirm with clarity that purity of heart and body must be defended, because chastity safeguards authentic love.” ...John Paul II
I have to agree. Our moral compass is lost in this country. If people don't feel there will be any repercussions... physically or spiritually...they act without restraint.
A bucket of hot water use to fix that.
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