I don't believe you're Catholic.
Do I need to produce my scapular, name the 15 mysteries of the rosary (plus the new luminous), tell you my confirmation name, tell you how many times I got drunk on the church wine after serving mass in grade school, about the nun that put me in a trash can in second grade for talking too much, the millions of tenderloins and fries I served at Bingo in the 7th and 8th grade? What will it take?