Kathleen Parker, is that you? Kathy, just because your hubby got a chubby when he saw this Palin woman doesn't mean you have to keep making up these reasons to be horrified. After all, some of them are awfully big stretches, like this bizarre "Lower 48" objection. Sure, those Alaskans are hopeless rubes (Andrew Sullivan calls them "snowbillies," how very droll!) but I'm horrified to imagine that if I ran for President you would say I'm unqualified because I've never lived south of Lake County, Illinois. And no, the villa in Tuscany doesn't count, darling.
Of course, you wouldn't really do that, because I'm a large, hirsute but well-bred man and your husband would never get an erection after seeing me give a speech. If he leaned that way, he would have married Janet Reno, not you, Kathleen.
Of course, we can forget about me and look at that nice young mulatto chap you loved so much during the campaign, Kathy: Barack Obama. How much time did he spend outside the Lower 48 Kathy, and has he ever lived south of Chicago? Not since well before 1987, dear old girl.
Lastly, dear Kathy, you should consider that people said President Bush didn't read, either, and even tried to use his comments about newspapers as "proof" that he was an intellectually bereft rube adopted by the Bushes after his carnie parents abandoned him. Yet we know that the man is a voracious reader of history and political theory, and that he and that nice Karl Rove (tragedy he's from the University of Utah instead of the Ivy League, isn't it? Atrocious!) have a running contest to see who's read more books. The fourth estate tried that gambit with Reagan as well. Kathy dear, you really must grasp firml the reality that just because Katie Couric serves a wonderful mimosa doesn't mean her opinion on Republican candidates is even a bit trustworthy.
Oh, and one last thing, Kathleen dear: Coddsie told me to say a warm hello. Hope you can see us in Nassau in January! As Coddsie's droll old dad used to say, we're going to steer this yacht hard-a-starboard!
Warmest Regards,
C. Wellington Silverback the Fourth
That one’s gonna zoom so far over his head, so quickly, it’ll leave a visible contrail. ;)