Ellen’s not really a “consigner”. Let’s investigate her private life.
We're already on it. 20 years ago, her dog crapped on someone's lawn. 15 years ago she drank a whole bottle of beer. 10 years ago, she said "Darn it!" in front of children. 5 years ago, she gave Palin a discount on some clothing. And, to top it all, last year she parked her car too close to someone's driveway!
More scandals tonight at 6 pm and 11 pm.
Tonight at 9, instead of the previously scheduled NFL game, we will run a 2 hour special on Ellen, looking into every detail of her life. All sides of the family, back 4 generations. Be there!