They would say she can't swim.
So Lori, you must work for AP (LOL).
Seriously though, your tagline points the way.
“She could walk on the Mississippi River water tonight here in St. Louis, and the media would still paint it in whatever twisted, negatively propagandizing, fashion they desire.”
If she did this, the MSM would attack her for letting the dust on her feet create evrironmental damage the river thet will require 200 million dollars to repair.