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BREAKING NEWS!

- Sarah Palin’s latest baby daddy is not Todd but a love child from her affair with Bigfoot! (Not Downs Syndrome but a Bigfoot-Alien-Human hybrid!)

- Todd Palin is actually NASCAR Driver Tony Stewart! (How else could you explain the uncanny resemblance and how Todd only won Snow Machine races on days that Tony Stewart didn’t win a NASCAR race!)

- Bristol became pregnant with her own baby while still pregnant with mother’s baby just to cover up for her first pregnancy!

- Bristol’s redneck boyfriend is actually the clone of Adolph Hitler and Eva Braun’s long lost love child.

IN OTHER BREAKING NEWS!

- Barack Hussein Osama parts the seas of the Gulf of Mexico and spares New Orleans from total destruction from hurricane Ike and saves all the polar bears living there!

- Joe Biden strung together one coherent sentence on his own this week without plagiarizing anyone.

-Teddy Kennedy fulfills his life long dream and learns how to both drive a car and how to swim!

-Hillary gives up her pantsuits for short skirts and offers to takes Joe Biden on a hunting trip. (Asks for shooting tips from Dick Cheney).