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ah, thanks! Now let’s do the Friday column ping...

Moonbats dropping like flies from PDS epidemic
By Howie Carr | Friday, September 12, 2008 | http://www.bostonherald.com | Columnists

It’s America’s newest disease - only diagnosed by some in the media a few days ago - but it is spreading among the nation’s Beautiful People at an alarming rate.

You know it by its initials - PDS. Palin Derangement Syndrome.

You can watch the victims of PDS on TV every night, frothing at the mouth in front of Obama banners, repeating scurrilous lies lifted from left-wing blogs or just making up new whoppers as they go along. It’s an epidemic - Palin Derangement Syndrome swept through MSNBC studios this week and claimed two anchors, who are survived by dozens of viewers.

The bad news is, PDS appears to be incurable. The good news is, it only strikes one demographic group - moonbats.

Like so many earlier plagues, PDS mutated from an earlier affliction, BDS, Bush Derangement Syndrome. But BDS often metastasized over months, if not years, and struck across the political spectrum.

Are you at risk of contracting this virulent contagion? Do you work for a living? If the answer to the latter is yes, the answer to the former is probably no.

You’ve heard of Typhoid Mary. PDS is spread by “Typhoid Sarah,” but it’s not infectious. It only strikes the Politically Correct. So far, it has struck only those who believe that 9/11 was an “inside job,” or who have “Redefeat Bush” bumper stickers on the backs of their Priuses.

Researchers racing for the cure say that sometimes a single word or term relating to Sarah can touch off a full-blown case of PDS - “pro-life” is one such predictive phrase, and others include “blue-collar,” “public school” and, most alarming of all, “mother of five.”

Let us consider a few case studies. A mere fortnight ago, most of these victims were clearly demented, but still able to function, at least among their own kind, the trust-funded idle rich.

First case: “Matt D.”

One day, Matt D. was just another liberal puke making lousy movies. The next, he had lost his mind, thanks to PDS. He made a videotape in which he impersonated an actuary, used the word “absurd” about 30 times, and then asked “if she thinks dinosaurs were here 4,000 years ago”.

Remember, Matt D. believes that by buying “carbon credits,” he can personally stop the oceans from rising. Is this a guy who should be worried about somebody else’s wacky beliefs? Prognosis: Incurable.

Second case: “Carol F.”

No one had ever heard of this obscure Southern moonbat until Wednesday, when she suddenly blurted out that Sarah Palin’s “primary qualification seems to be that she hasn’t had an abortion.”

Later she apologized for her “clumsy” statement. What Carol F. really meant to say was that she hates Palin because she hasn’t had an abortion. Prognosis: Put her on suicide watch until 1-20-09.

Third case: “Joe B.”

Normally considered nothing more than a plagiarizing blowhard, Joe B. was struck down with a particularly nasty strain of PDS - an overpowering depression and paranoia about his own worthlessness. Never one to speak succinctly, Joe B. suddenly became an even bigger windbag. Listen to this endless torrent of words in Nashua, N.H.:

“Hillary Clinton is as qualified or more qualified than I am to be vice president of the United States of America. Let’s get that straight. She’s a truly close personal friend; she is qualified to be president of the United States of America. She’s easily qualified to be vice president of the United States of America and, quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me, but she is first-rate.”

Prognosis: Verbal diarrhea poses no immediate danger to himself, but his audiences are increasingly falling into comas or trances.

Fourth case: “Barry O.”

Since first glimpsing Sarah, Barry O. has been unable to speak coherently, has talked of “wrecking havoc” and brought up his “Muslim faith” on national TV. Finally, in the grips of full-blown PDS, Barry slurred Sarah as a pig, and then claimed that he, not Sarah, was a victim - admittedly, his perennial fallback position, which has never failed him before.

Prognosis: Grave. Drs. Al Gore and John Kerry have been called to his bedside.
Article URL: http://www.bostonherald.com/news/opinion/columnists/view.bg?articleid=1118511