There’s also a column in yesterday’s Herald—I’ll see if it’s still on their site—about how Arlington moonbats are taking pride in what nickname Howie has given them.
Test: How to tell if you’re a moonbat
By Howie Carr | Sunday, August 3, 2008 | http://www.bostonherald.com | Columnists
I don’t own the word “moonbat,” but I have had custody of it for a good long while now, and there are a couple of misconceptions I’d like to clear up.
First, a moonbat is not something you want to be, even in Arlington, where they have begun selling T-shirts that say, “Menotomy Moonbats.” Hey moonbats, lose the bat logo. Truth in advertising requires you to put on the front of your moonbat shirts a photo of Sen. Jim Marzilli, your hero, the perv in a Prius, with these words underneath:
“Sen. Marzilli Groped Me and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt.”
Instead, they try to redefine the word itself into a positive. As one Arlington moonbat told the Arlington Advocate, “A ‘moonbat’ is someone who’s willing to be a little bit of a dreamer.”
His dream, our nightmare.
Second, despite what you may have heard Friday morning on the Fox News Channel segment that I was on, there is no such thing as a “right-wing moonbat.” Some Air America type was just trying to give me the needle. Right-wing moonbats? That’s an oxymoron, like “sober judge” or “law-abiding illegal alien.”
Whoever says “right-wing moonbat” is full of guano.
For those who came in late, moonbats are trust-funded, medicated, middle-aged, white-guilt-ridden blogging lefty losers who inflicted Deval Patrick upon the working people. The moonbats now yearn to elect Sen. Barack Obama, a Deval on steroids.
If you are a guy with a ponytail, chances are you’re a moonbat - if you have a wide-brim leather hat too, the odds rise to 100 percent. If you’re a woman and you bring knitting to public meetings, consider yourself positively ID’ed.
Like most people, I know ’em when I see ’em. But if you are wondering whether or not you are a moonbat, here are some of the most obvious traits:
You refer to the current national administration as the “Cheney-Bush regime.”
You’ve used the word “Halliburton” at least once in the last 10 minutes.
The biggest issue in the state: gay marriage.
The second biggest issue in the state: the pressing need for more bicycle paths.
You take part in the weekly anti-war protests on the town post office with all the other grandmothers, or should I say the women who would be grandmothers if they hadn’t had so many abortions 30 years ago.
You’re the only one on your block who still has the Globe delivered.
You believed the National Enquirer totally when they busted Rush Limbaugh.
You don’t believe a word of the National Enquirer now that it’s busting John Edwards.
Your car contains at least three of the following bumper stickers: “Redefeat Bush,” “1-20-09,” “We ARE a Family and We Vote,” “Kerry-Edwards,” “Free Mumia,” “9/11 Was an Inside Job” and “Got Hope?”
You still miss your favorite old bumper stickers: “Free Leonard Pelletier,” “War Is Not Healthy for Children and Other Living Things” and “Re-elect Marzilli.”
You scoff at people who believe in God, but just as fervently believe that there is a “scientific consensus” about global warming.
You’d never admit that the reason you don’t care about Obama’s plans to tax the middle class back to the Stone Age is because your dad down in New York put all your trust funds into tax-free municipal bonds.
You still watch Channel 2 and listen to NPR.
If you live in Newton, you can’t figure out why Mayor Cohen isn’t running for re-election.
You’ll never vote for state Treasurer Tim Cahill again after he sold out the Democratic Party by saying he wanted to be a “friend of the taxpayer.”
You think someone should nominate Arline Isaacson for a Nobel Prize.
You have both of Barack Obama’s books, and you’ve been meaning to get around to reading them, but . . .
You haven’t uttered the word “Christmas” since 1983, lest you offend someone.
Forget vegetarian, you’d like to be a vegan . . . except for that no-ice-cream thing.
And finally, you’re definitely a moonbat if you’ve realized that the next bumper sticker you put on your Prius is going to say, “Free Jim Marzilli.”
Article URL: http://www.bostonherald.com/news/opinion/columnists/view.bg?articleid=1110729