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My Scenario

Dearest Areopagus

Congratulations to Miss Areopagus I for saying that we ought to worship salacious, obtrusive succubi as folk heroes. That surely wins the prize for being the most nugatory and lousy thing I've ever heard. Although my approach may appear a bit pedantic, by setting some generative point of view against a structural-taxonomical point of view or vice versa, I intend to argue that I would be grateful if she would take a little time from her rigorous schedule to give peace a chance. Of course, pigs will grow wings and fly before that ever happens. In spite of the fact that Areopagus uses isolated incidents to make unruly, all-encompassing claims about her adversaries, it's easy enough to hate her any day of the week on general principles. But now I'll tell you about some very specific things that she is up to, things that ought to make a real Areopagus-hater out of you. First off, she presents herself as a disinterested classicist lamenting the infusion of politically motivated methods of pedagogy and analysis into higher education. Areopagus is eloquent in her denunciation of modern scholarship, claiming it favors disgraceful degenerates (especially the daft type). And here we have the ultimate irony because Areopagus maliciously defames and damagingly misrepresents everyone and everything around her. There's a word for that: libel.

Bumptious, uncivilized tax cheats can go right ahead and convict me for saying that Areopagus should put her own house in order before she tells others what to do, but History, acting as the goddess of a higher truth and a higher justice, will one day smilingly tear up this verdict, acquitting me of all guilt and blame. I believe it was Hegel who said, "Her constant whining and yammering is a background noise that never seems to go away". If you can go more than a minute without hearing her talk about animalism, you're either deaf, dumb, or in a serious case of denial. Giving Areopagus the means to bribe the parasitic with the earnings of the productive is like supplying the gun to your own robber. Okay, that's a slight exaggeration, but you get the drift. The interesting point is this: As that last sentence suggests, she argues that her debauches are the result of a high-minded urge to do sociological research. To maintain this thesis, Areopagus naturally has had to shovel away a mountain of evidence, which she does by the desperate expedient of claiming that no one is smart enough to see through her transparent lies.

Areopagus's apothegms are based on hate. Hate, recidivism, and an intolerance of another viewpoint, another way of life. What is Areopagus's current objective? As usual, there are multiple objectives:

to accelerate our descent into the cesspool of interdenominationalism, to abrogate some of our most fundamental freedoms, and to turn the trickle of Stalinism into a tidal wave. Areopagus's Pecksniffian, unregenerate adages often resemble an inverted fairy tale in that the triumph of innocence comes at the start and the ugly sisters of snobbism and gnosticism enter on stage in triumph for the final curtain. I don't want to make any hard and final judgments, but some people don't seem to mind that Areopagus likes to reduce human beings and many other living organisms to engineered products and mere cogs in the social machine. What an ethically bankrupt world we live in! Now that I've said what I had to say, I should remark that this letter may not endear me to some people. Indeed, it may even cost me a friend or two. However, friends do not let friends get trampled by unrestrained, wild schizophrenics like Miss Areopagus I. The truth is the truth and we pay a steep price whenever we ignore it.

Where is Laz when you need him?