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OK one last post before I leave on my trip today; since I’m up early anyway, I’ll send ya a Howie column. From here on out it’s GQuagmire’s operation from now till I get back and thanks to him!

Pol’s latest crusade totally uncalled fore
By Howie Carr | Wednesday, July 23, 2008 | http://www.bostonherald.com

I have nothing against either golf or alcohol, but is this the only issue the Legislature can find to tackle - legalizing booze on golf courses?

First of all, who knew it was illegal to have liquor on golf courses? Don’t most golfers keep a flask, or beers, in their golf bags? This is a fine example of solving a problem that doesn’t exist, but then, those are a lot easier to tackle than something such as public-pension abuse, or the high cost of fuel, or the tolls, or Deval Patrick’s property-tax relief, of which we still haven’t seen any.

Why don’t these Profiles in Courage take on, say, police details? Oh, I forgot, they did. Deval and the legislative leadership had a big press conference saying they were going to take the bull by the horns, and then the police unions grabbed them by another part of their anatomies, and hey why don’t we just legalize booze on golf courses?

Hey, solons, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

The fact is, unregulated drinking on golf courses is a problem, and the problem is, the club owners aren’t making any money off their customers sneaking it. And if the reps don’t give the golf clubs the legislation they want, how can they expect to be allowed to play for free or just jump in front of the line without a reserved tee time every weekend?

But what about the fact that the number of liquor licenses in all cities and towns is capped by the state? I called Rep. Jim Fagan, the sponsor of this very important legislation, and asked him how he plans to get around the cap.

“We will do the same thing we do with a bottle of beer,” he said. “We will remove the cap.”

Still this legislation raises so many questions.

Are the state police going to have roadblocks out at sand traps on holiday weekends?

Will this new law apply to all golf courses all the time, or only when soon-to-be-imprisoned solons are holding their charity tournaments that produce cash that isn’t donated to charity?

Next, are we going to have beverage carts at the high-school football games on Thanksgiving?

Will every rep who’s ever been convicted of an alcohol-related offense recuse themselves from the final vote, and if so, will there be a quorum in the House?

Once Question 2 is approved in November, and marijuana is de facto legalized, will pot be available too, and if you think booze slows down a foursome, wait until you try playing behind a quartet of Cheech & Chong and Beavis & Butthead.

As Archie Bunker used to say, you don’t buy beer, you only rent it. What happens when the lease expires? Better put some portable toilets out there, or those golf-course views aren’t going to be what they used to be.

The argument is, only two states have a ban on alcohol sales - Massachusetts and Alaska. So what? Only one state has those aforementioned mandatory paid police details, and on that one we’re told that we’d better get used to that if we know what’s good for us.

This is what happens when you have a Legislature that is owned lock, stock and barrel by lobbyists. The reps are doing a favor for somebody who did a favor for them. This is why the lobbyists collected $39 million in fees in the first six months of this year, up from $34 million in the same period a year ago. No wonder every convicted crook in the state - think Felon Finneran and Felon Flaherty - is now a lobbyist.

And the lobbyists kick back - they doled out $628,000 in contributions to the solons, and that’s with a $200 cap per hack. No wonder the lobbyists can make sure that nothing ever passes that hurts their clients - the public unions and big business - and that the only bills that ever do pass are this type of silliness.

Can somebody shout Fore Roses?
Article URL: http://www.bostonherald.com/news/opinion/columnists/view.bg?articleid=1108521