Something else to worry about

The Washington Times ^ | 7-11-08 | Wes Pruden

[JZelle]

Blaming George W. for everything from the dog's mange to an itch in places impolite to scratch is summer fun for a lot of people. So is listening to Barack Obama's gaffes, blunders and splutters. But repetition can make anything boring.

So here's something new, scarier even than the Rev. Jesse Jackson's scheme to surgically alter Sen. Obama to make him eligible for the Ladies Auxiliary Choir. This doomsday would be the result of a misunderestimation beyond the ability of George W.

Physicists will fire up something called the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland next month and if everything goes wrong we'll be reduced to atoms, quarks and strangelets floating out there among the stars. Except that there won't be any stars. They'll be reduced to the ashes of infinity, too.

The odds against anything that bad actually happening are estimated by one eminent physicist as "only" 1 in 50 million. These are about the odds against buying a winning lottery ticket, which are mathematically about the same as winning the lottery without buying a lottery ticket.

The Large Hadron Collider consists of a ring of supercooled magnets measuring 17 miles around, buried 350 feet below the ground on the Swiss-French border. Two beams of protons will race through tubes in the collider, speeding through a vacuum infinitely colder and more intense than anything in outer space. Magnets will guide their trajectory, and if the worst happens when they bang into each other they would produce a tiny "black hole," an infinitely smaller version of the collapsed stars in space whose gravity fields are so powerful they can suck in planets and other stars. The tiny black holes that are the work of the collider might be slower in developing into something bigger, become entrapped inside Earth's gravity, and boom!

[lexusppd]

Damn, this could be bad. I wonder if I should short the indexes?

[AU72]

Black Holes? Sounds racist.

[dawn53]

All I have to say is that Wes Pruden must be a racist...he used the term “black hole” several times in that article. (end/sarcasm)

[WayneS]

Tut, tut, Mr. Pruden

We don’t say Black Holes any more.

It’s “Holes of Color”!

[Disambiguator]

Large Hadron Collider = Racist Machine

Darn physicists, always trying to keep the black man down.

[I see my hands]

"Holes of Color"

Apholes

[CowboyJay]

"Two beams of protons will race through tubes in the collider, speeding through a vacuum infinitely colder and more intense than anything in outer space."

Cool.

[FateAmenableToChange]

Size-advantaged Hadrons

Weight-challenged Hadrons

Large-boned Hadrons.

These are all acceptable under the new language standards that will be instituted by Obamessiah. Large Hadrons is clearly an affront to fat people everywhere.

[Ancesthntr]

Blaming George W. for everything from the dog's mange to an itch in places impolite to scratch is summer fun for a lot of people. So is listening to Barack Obama's gaffes, blunders and splutters. But repetition can make anything boring.

Says who?

BUSH'S FAULT!!!!