Twink, you made me chuckle. I don't know whether you are a man or woman, and that would of course affect the content of my reply. Suffice it to say that regardless of your sex, you are either in your 20s or in a very rare relationship. I expect it is the former.
The rapid decline in sexual desire for women in their 30s, especially after having children, is almost a guarantee. As a middle-aged man I can tell you categorically that it happens to everyone. I'm convinced that the old line from a 40-year old male, in the middle of an affair with his secretary, "my wife doesn't understand me" is 95% about her lack of sexual desire.
Get a bunch of 40-something men together, without wives, with a little sauce to loosen up their tongues, and at least one of the conversations will be about (the lack of) sex with their wives. Possibly a joke. To wit:
Three middle-aged men are playing golf one fine summer day, and on a dare they all make a pact -- to find some way, any way, to golf together on Christmas Day. They shake hands on it and finish their round.
Christmas Day comes, 8 AM. The first two arrive, and at the last minute so does the third. They grin and shake hands, and all exclaim to each other, "what did you have to do to get away?"
The first says, "I had to buy her a mink coat."
The second says, "That's nothing -- I had to buy my wife a brand new BMW."
The third fellow is saying nothing but has a smirk on his face. His buddies say, "C'mon, what did you have to buy your wife?" "Nothing," he replies.
The buddies stare in disbelief. "Impossible!" they declare in unison. "How'd you do it?"
The third fellow says, "it was easy. This morning, when I woke up, I nudged her and said, "Merry Christmas, Honey. What'll it be? Sex -- or golf?" She thought it over and said, "Have a good time and be back by noon."
I’m a woman, 40’s, married with 4 kids :)
However, I admit that in the 90s when I was busy having babies, breastfeeding, basically just raising our kids that I lost some interest in sexual intimacy or sex. I looked and felt like crap most of the time :) So during the 90s when I was mostly pregnant or nursing or covered in spit up or dirt, I really wasn’t as into it as much. Half the time all I wanted to do was get some uninterrupted sleep.
I got it all back once the kids were more independent and not attached to my boobs or hips, etc. Although, my husband always made me feel desirable even covered in spit up or baby food.
I like sex and the intimacy that goes with it. Life is busy and sometimes just a look or touch of hand during a party or whatever is a “later, we’ll act on this” type of thing, even quickly.
I hear stuff sometimes from female friends, married (and some not), that their husbands are all about the sex and how they’re not interested. Usually I keep my mouth shut because I’m interested and enjoy sex, even spur of the moment, quick sex. I couldn’t be out there dating today. It seems far more complicated than when I was single back in the 80s.