Its the logical opposite of your silly examples; Its in ancient written texts that are unchanged for 3500 years.
Your examples are fantasies born in the early modern period, by the minds of the Bible haters.
I know that it is hard for one of your mind to accept, but the Bible is the sum total of all necessary and relevant information. That which is outside of the Bible is born suspect, and visibly unnessary for dignified human existence.
What you're doing to the Bible is the equivalent of looking at a cloud and seeing a fluffy bunny. It is itself born suspect.
Apparently you are an inerrantist, so I don't think there's much more to say. NO evidence, no matter how valid, can convince you of anything since it must be dismissed if it disagrees with the Bible. I just can't talk science with a person like that because the worldview is anathema to science.