Meeting Satan…
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, ’Do you know who I am?’
The man replied, ‘Yep, sure do.’
‘Aren’t you afraid of me?’ Satan asked.
‘Nope, sure ain’t.’ said the man.
‘Don’t you realize I can kill you with one word?’ asked Satan.
‘Don’t doubt it for a minute,’ returned the old man, in an even tone.
‘Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?’ persisted Satan.
‘Yep,’ was the calm reply.
‘And you ‘re still not afraid?’ asked Satan.
‘Nope,’ said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, ‘Why aren’t you afraid of me?’
The man calmly replied, ‘Been married to your sister for 48 years.’
Estate planning
Dan was a single guy living at home with his fatherand working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a
wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. “I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in
just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars.”
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
A Scotsman was at a baseball game. It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly.
The first batter approached the plate, took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming “Run, Run!” This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. The Scot was now excited and ready to get into the game.The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called “walk” and the batter started on a slow trot to first. The Scotsman, extremely
excited now, stood up and screamed, “R-R-Run ye basstarrd, rrrun!” Everyone around him started laughing. So the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down.
A friendly fan, seeing the Scotsman’s embarrassment, leaned over and said, “He can’t run - he got four balls.
“The Scotsman then stood up and screamed, “Walk with prrride,mon...walk with prrride!”