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Day to salute Archie Bunker, or something
By Howie Carr | Sunday, June 15, 2008 | http://www.bostonherald.com | Columnists

It is the highest of the High Hack Holidays: Bunker Hill Day. And befitting its hallowed status, it is becoming Bunker Hill Week.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you most likely work for a living, which is quite different from having a “job,” that is, a hack job. For those of you whose last name is not Bulger or Menino, Bunker Hill Day is a “holiday,” but only in Suffolk County - Boston, Winthrop, Chelsea and Revere - and its bastard offspring, the city of Somerville.

The parade in Charlestown is today, and the actual day off from “work” is Tuesday, but only in state and municipal offices in Suffolk, and not even in all of those. For some reason, Secretary of State Bill Galvin insists on keeping his offices open. What a grinch.

In barrooms across the city this Father’s Day afternoon, guys named Sully and Cheech will be pounding them down, grousing about why they have to go to work at all at the DPW or the ISD this week.

“I mean, Murf, not for nuttin’, but da Celts are playing tonight at 9, which means all the payroll Charlies at the City Hall and the State House won’t be getting much sleep. And really, why bother to go to work tomorrow on Bunker Hill Day Eve? And then, if the Celts win, Mumbles will have to have a parade . . . maybe Wednesday or Thursday. Surely no one could be expected to show up for ‘work’ that day either.”

Meanwhile, the state’s political leadership will be MIA, out in San Diego for a bio-junket. It’s all about “growing” jobs, and suntans. Let’s hope Sal and Terry can relax after their arduous week rattling sabers about how the voters better not even think about abolishing the state income tax, because otherwise there won’t be any money left for essential services, like bio-junkets to San Diego.

The sole reason for Bunker Hill Day is to enable the hacks to enjoy another paid day off, to break up that arduous stretch between Memorial Day and the Fourth of July.

For the record, the so-called holiday commemorates the 1775 battle in Charlestown between the Brits and the Colonials. Technically it was a Redcoat victory, but they lost more than 200 dead, after Col. William Prescott issued his famous orders, “Don’t fire until you see the whites of their eyes.”

Friday afternoon, I called the five city and town halls to find out about the “holiday” on Tuesday. Revere and Chelsea City Halls were naturally closed; it was, after all, Friday. In Winthrop I got an answering machine in the town manager’s office. Finally, at Somerville City Hall, I found someone who hadn’t taken an early slide.

The operator even knew the name of the holiday, but then I threw her a curveball. I asked her what it was all about. “I’m not positive, sir. Let me give you our Customer Service Department.”

At Customer Service, I asked the same question and was told to hold on while they went to get someone really smart. A confident-sounding young man came on the line. “Back in the Revolutionary War,” he said, “when the British were leaving Boston, they called it Evacuation Day. That’s what this is.”

Really? I could have sworn Evacuation Day was St. Patrick’s Day.

“Oh no,” he said. “Bunker Hill Day is Evacuation Day.” It’s good to know that some things haven’t changed, like public education in the city of Somerville.

Finally, I called Boston City Hall. The guy answering knew he had the day off, but then I asked him the name of the sacred occasion.

“It’s, uh, hold on, lemme get the name.”

A minute or so later, he returned with the name. My follow-up question was, What did it commemorate?

“Hold on,” he said. “Lemme see if I can find someone to get you the low-down.”

A couple of minutes later, a female voice came on the line.

“It’s Bunker Hill Day and Flag Day,” she said.

Yes, but what exactly is it? Why is it a holiday? Why is it called Bunker Hill Day?

She sighed deeply. She didn’t get a hack job at City Hall so that she’d have to take crap from taxpayers.

“Sir,” she said. “If you go to Google, I’m sure you can find out all about it.”

Yeah, I probably can, if I use the search words: “useless hack holiday.”
Article URL: http://www.bostonherald.com/news/opinion/columnists/view.bg?articleid=1100891