Gayness, homosexuality, male or female, always seemed to me to be “the height of narcissism”, at its worst. But lots of times it doesn’t quite fall out that way. Maybe my perceptions were mostly about male homosexuality and determined by being in theater all through the 70s.
My perceptions come from 20+ years living and working in the Bay Area, including San Francisco, and having gay and lesbian college roommates. You’re right, narcissism isn’t always the case; many lesbian women were molested or raped by men, and many gay men had no or abusive father figures and seem to be seeking the masculine love they missed out on as children. And no, this doesn’t cover everyone, bu this is what I found in my own experience...and some of it was told to me by homosexuals themselves.