"Merrimack Valley Masher"?
A special column (Thu) for Howie (unless he’s just putting out his Fri column early/seizing on a hot story). We’ll make this the show ping too
No touching end to hands-on pol’s fall from grace
By Howie Carr | Thursday, June 5, 2008 | http://www.bostonherald.com
The moonbats are in mourning. Their hero, a sanctimonious twit named Sen. Jim Marzilli, is now accused of being the Middlesex masher, the runaway perv, the butt of a million jokes among people who actually have jobs and don’t live off trust funds.
What’s Marzilli’s favorite John Steinbeck novel? The Gropes of Wrath.
His favorite Charles Dickens novel? David Cop-a-feel.
They always said he was a hands-on pol. We didn’t just know how hands-on. Talk about touchy-feely. The squirrelly socialist is just lucky he wasn’t charged with impersonating Bill Clinton. And by the way, I guess he missed the recent GQ story, Lose the Goatee.
Good job by District Attorney Gerry Leone, brooming the first case against Sen. Grope-Zilla. Isn’t it wonderful to live in a one-party state, where all the pols take care of one another, although I doubt Leone will make the same mistake twice.
You know what they say, there’s a lot to like about Lowell. Sen. Marzilli, aka Martin Walsh, might disagree. What happens in Vegas may stay in Vegas, but Lowell ain’t Vegas. It didn’t take long for word to get out that Sen. Show-and-Tell had been busted, after giving a false name to the cops and running away.
As one old-time Arlington pol put it yesterday from Florida, strange things happen to strange people.
According to the police reports, this canal Casanova was bagged while trying to, well, you know his alleged m.o. by now. He inquires about women’s, uh, shaving habits, and then attempts to steal third base while still standing at the plate. Lewd and lascivious in Lowell.
That was bad enough, but now another woman stepped forward, picked him out of a lineup and said Sen. Show-and-Tell had done the same things to her. The usual extra-suave come-on lines like, “If I told you you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?” - except of course Mitts Marzilli isn’t even quick enough to come up with something that ancient.
He said, “Ohhh baby, you’re so beautiful, your body is so perfect.”
To which the woman responded: Take $20 out of your pocket and go to Merrimack Street after 5 o’clock and get yourself a hooker.
Sen. Marzilli’s lawyer, who is named Kennedy, described this as flirting.
The P.C. crowd is absolutely crushed by the downfall of their idol. You have to remember, Arlington moonbats have an inferiority complex. Their parents didn’t give them trust funds big enough to buy them one-families off Mass. Ave. in North Cambridge for a million-two. So they slink across the line into Arlington pretending they are still in the People’s Republic.
Soon the blow-ins had displaced large elements of the native Arlington population, as well as the native pols.
As my old Arlington friend from the State House said, “We drank, we played cards, we got things done.” And they didn’t get arrested.
Hey, Marzilli was just looking for a little sex in Middlesex.
All the sad, middle-aged Arlington moonbats were spinning alibis for him yesterday. His mother just died. Maybe he’s bipolar. It’s a Greek tragedy. He raises nice flowers.
You read the moonbats’ pathetic postings online and you can’t help but start singing Marzilli’s favorite Jethro Tull tune: “Aqualung.”
Sitting on the park bench, eyeing little girls with bad intent. Snot is running down his nose, greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes.
That’s our Jim. His favorite Doors song? “Touch Me.”
His top Georgia Satellites tune? “Keep Your Hands to Yourself.”
It looks grim for Sen. McFeel, but there is one way out, and it always works in this state, at least if you’re a guy. When they sentence you, show up at the courthouse wearing a dress and the judge’ll let you go for sure.
Article URL: http://www.bostonherald.com/news/opinion/columnists/view.bg?articleid=1098759