Obama’s “Size Matters” Foreign Policy Creates Jitters In Antarctica
Antarctica put its armed forces on high alert yesterday over fears that Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama’s newly unveiled sized-based foreign policy initiative would put the unassuming frozen land mass in the cross-hairs of the U.S. military.
“Iran, Cuba, Venezuela– these countries are tiny compared to the Soviet Union,” said Obama. “They don’t pose a threat to us the way the Soviet Union posed a threat to us.”
The Illinois senator’s comments, made at a campaign stop in Oregon, sent ripples through embassies worldwide as diplomats struggled with the implications. But in Antarctica, a clear and ominous message was received.
“We’re taking Senator Obama’s comments very seriously,” said Antarctica’s Defense Minister Walter Franklin, who also runs a novelty shop at the Prince Olav Harbour Research Station. “It’s clear that he intends to pursue a foreign policy based on land mass, and it doesn’t take an ice shelf geologist to figure out that Antarctica’s next on the list after the Soviet Union. Just because we live on a glacier doesn’t mean we’re slow.”
Franklin said that Antarctica had sent overtures to Canada and Greenland to form an alliance he called “The Axis Of Large.”
“We’re going to do what it takes to defend ourselves,” he said. “The Senator would be wise not to dismiss us as just another bunch of geeks studying penguin semen.”
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