I think shame can be a positive thing. And we’ve surely lost our ability to feel any.
Hildy, I've been around long enough to remember when "if it feels good, do it" was not the way most people thought or lived their lives. Stigmas and fear of parental outrage kept many in check. Shame was alive and well then.
In today's world, many young people, and even older ones, shack up without benefit of a marriage license. Should their parents refuse to associate with them under these circumstances? This would be one way of stigmatizing their actions.
That most parents haven't is part of the problem. I believe children who have good parents need the love and acceptance of those parents. Too many parents caved in to this new trend.
Yes, stigma is a persuasive tool to keep us in line, but if we think we all have the right to point out another's faults, no one will be speaking to each other any more!