Welcome to Burlington, HC!
Howie Carr is Coming to Burlington!Howie Carr will be broadcasting live from the Sheraton Burlington Hotel and Conference Center on Williston Road 3-7Pm near Tuckaways and G’s Restaurant May 23rd. There is no charge, it's free to come and see! Watch Howie and enjoy a specially priced cheap bastard’s buffet. Howie will also have copies available of his best selling book on Whitey Bulger. It's his first ever appearance in Burlington.
Bail deal could be Cheeseman’s last ‘Straw’ By Howie Carr | Friday, May 23, 2008 |
http://www.bostonherald.com
You’re Carmen DiNunzio, the Cheeseman, the indicted, super-sized reputed underboss of the New England Mafia, and you know what really gets your goat?
Marinara sauce! You bleepin’ dribble some down your chin onto your beautiful XXXXL blue sweatshirt, and damn - hey, Ma, ask Lois if she’s doin’ another load tonight.
You’re the Cheeseman, and what kind of bail deal is this here, when you can go home to East Boston but not over to Fresh Cheese, on account of the easy access to LCN members, as Judge Magistrate Dein calls all those half-assed wiseguys in the North End.
Hey, Judge Dein, not for nothing, but there ain’t no Mafia. That’s what they told us to say at the initiation right after they pricked our fingers and burned the Mass cards.
The worst thing about this pinch is all that personal information the feds put in, like how you’re unmarried.
Now the papers are calling you a bachelor, which will eventually become confirmed bachelor, and you ain’t no college boy, but you know what they’re getting at, and it just ain’t true.
You’re 50 years old - in the old days, that would have made you a Mafia elder statesman. Now, you’re the kid.
You know what Peter Limone says about all the geezer gangsters - 80 is the new 70.
Speaking of which, you still haven’t seen that list of the guys the feds say you ain’t supposed to be associating with, so what happens if you suddenly hear the dulcet strains of “Turkey in the Straw,” and you run to the window and see a Mr. Frosty Ice Cream truck outside, and you waddle down the stairs for a triple hot fudge sundae with extra whip cream and jimmies, and it turns out Peter Limone is the driver?
You’re the Cheeseman, and you once read about an old-time gangster named Dutch Schultz, whose real name was Arthur Flegenheimer, and how Dutch always said he regretted not keeping his real name, because it was too long to fit in the tabloid headlines.
Hey, Dutch, it coulda been worse - you could have had a short nickname and weighed 400 pounds.
You think it’s funny for Ma to read all them joke headlines: “Judge Cuts Cheese Loose.” Or, “Judge Weighs Cheese Decision.”
But you gotta tell your sister to stop yelling at them Herald photographers lurking outside the house. That’s just making it worse. It’s not like they’re calling your niece the Little Cheese.
You’re a goodfella, not a dumbfella - and you’d like to thank all-a-youse at the Globe for not running that headline with the D-word.
You’re the Cheeseman, and they want how much for imported asiago?
And how come the feds were busting your chops there Wednesday, keeping you up there in the probation office for three hours, and finally your mouthpiece, Tony Cardinale, takes you out the front door of the courthouse, where the cameras are waiting for you.
They wanted you to pull a Lindsay Lohan and show off your new ankle bracelet, but dammit, you’ve got some pride.
Your co-defendant, Anthony D’Amore, he had the right idea after they released him - out the back door and see ya later.
You’re the Cheeseman, under house arrest, and - wait, off in the distance, is that music you hear? Could it be “Turkey in the Straw”?
Hey, Ma, run out and tell Mr. Frosty to park on this side of the street, in front of the house. If I stay on the sidewalk, maybe the ankle-bracelet monitor won’t go off.
Article URL: http://www.bostonherald.com/news/opinion/columnists/view.bg?articleid=1095835