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Judge-in-drag should transition to TV
By Howie Carr | Friday, April 4, 2008 | http://www.bostonherald.com | Columnists
There is a way out for Robert Somma, the 63-year-old cross-dressing, drunken-driving federal bankruptcy judge who is desperately trying to rescind his resignation from the bench.
Forget the $158,000-a-year judgeship, Judge. Become a television judge - you would be filling a niche in a hugely successful afternoon-TV genre.
Judge Roberta - television’s first transvestite judge. Judge Roberta Somma - when she says she’s a TV judge, she really means TV.
I’ve mentioned this before, but he really should think about. Judge Judy reportedly makes $30 million a year. Al D’Amato, the former New York senator who is not a cross-dresser, is shopping a proposal for a judge show. Being a disgraced judge from Massachusetts is no handicap - Maria Lopez lasted a couple of seasons, didn’t she?
The only surprising thing about this whole Somma story is that he ever thought he would have to quit the bench in disgrace. Disgrace? Come on, this is Massachusetts. In case you’ve forgotten the details, the judge was arrested in February on the main drag (get it?) in Manchester, N.H., after his Mercedes E320 sedan rear-ended another car. It was 11:29 on a weeknight when his wife was out of town. He blew a .12 on the Breathalyzer. Before rear-ending the car, the Newbury resident had been drinking at a bar that describes itself as “New Hampshire’s favorite gay and alternative bar.”
And then there was his attire. Understanding the politically correct age in which we live, the arresting officer from the Manchester PD knew he could only hint obliquely at the judge’s outfit. The cop mentioned in his report that the judge “had a difficult time locating his license in his purse.”
The next day the rest of the story came out in the Union Leader. The judge was wearing a slinky black cocktail dress, high heels and fishnet stockings. The judge decided to cop a plea.
From the Caribbean, Judge Somma resigned. His last day was supposed to have been April 1. But now he’s going to try to hang on.
A letter-writing campaign was organized. Members of the bankruptcy bar deluged the court with letters, because God help any lawyer who didn’t sign the letter if Judge Roberta somehow survives.
Somma’s lawyer did not return a call yesterday, but let me guess the judge’s multiple defenses. Number one, he’s not gay. Number two, this was the first time he ever did anything like this, at age 63. Number three, he didn’t really resign.
Judge, what part of a judge being required to exercise good judgment do you not understand?
The six judges on the First Circuit will have to decide by May 15 what to do. Somma will probably lose the vote, and eventually he will sue. Amazing, isn’t it? Twenty years ago he would have slunk off in humiliation. Now he’s browsing the Victoria’s Secret catalog for the proper outfit in which to begin his/her new career as the Transgender Avenger.
Yesterday one lawyer was quoted as saying that the feeling among lawyers is, “There but for the grace of God . . .” Really? Remind me not to go bankrupt, if it requires hiring a cross-dressing drunken driver. But then, that quote appeared in a local newspaper that recently ran an obituary of a deceased primate at the Franklin Park Zoo that lovingly mentioned the dead monkey’s “brilliant, plum-colored rump.”
Yes, this was the same newspaper that refused for weeks to report what Judge Roberta was wearing until his lawyer admitted it. An editorial in support of Judge Somma will no doubt appear soon.
By the way, the judge sent a letter this week to a lawyer’s publication, in which he identified the real villain of his humilitation - “the tabloid media.”
Give it a rest, Somma. Here’s one more slogan for the career you should be pursuing: Judge Roberta - the best TV on TV.
Article URL: http://www.bostonherald.com/news/opinion/columnists/view.bg?articleid=1084876