I want to write a Renaissance version of that song . . . “Thou and I, darling, be naught except mammals, so let us do it as they do it on the History Channel.”
De clunibus magnis amandis oratio
Mixaloti equitis
mehercle!(By Hercules!)
Rebecca, ecce! tantae clunes isti sunt! (Rebecca, behold! Such large buttocks she has!)
amica esse videtur istorum hominum rhythmicorum.(She appears to be a girlfriend of one of those rhythmic-oration people.)
sed, ut scis,(But, as you know)
quis homines huiusmodi intellegere potest?(Who can understand persons of this sort?)
colloquuntur equidem cum ista eo tantum, quod scortum perfectum esse videtur.(Verily, they converse with her for this reason only, namely, that she appears to be a complete whore.)
clunes, aio, maiores esse! (Her buttocks, I say, are rather large!)
nec possum credere quam rotondae sint.(Nor am I able to believe how round they are.)
en! quam exstant! nonne piget te earum? (Lo! How they stand forth! Do they not disgust you?)
ecce mulier Aethiops!(Behold the black woman!)
magnae clunes mihi placent, nec possum de hac re mentiri.(Large buttocks are pleasing to me, nor am I able to lie concerning this matter.)
quis enim, consortes mei, non fateatur,(For who, colleagues, would not admit,)
cum puella incedit minore medio corpore(Whenever a girl comes by with a rather small middle part of the body)
sub quo manifestus globus, inflammare animos(Beneath which is an obvious spherical mass, that it inflames the spirits)...
(more at link above)Original "Baby Got Back" lyrics