Posted on 02/06/2008 8:10:14 PM PST by 2ndDivisionVet
With rents in many cities skyrocketing, men and women marrying later and a divorce rate for first-time marriages that hovers at about 45%, it's no wonder more American couples are deciding to shack up.
There were an estimated 6,017,462 unmarried-partner households in the U.S. in 2006, according to the Census' latest research. This number includes 779,867 same-sex households. When the Census began measuring unmarried partners in 1996, there were only 2,858,000 opposite-sex couples.
Though you likely know at least one cohabiting pair, unlike their married and single peers, unmarried couples are not an easy group to quantify. They cannot check the single or married box truthfully and there is little but a shared address to signify their official commitment.
But couples that live together have needs, too. In our round-up of the Best Cities for Couples, we've identified what this growing demographic requires to maintain a stable relationship while on the path to marriage or something less traditional. We selected the country's largest 40 metropolitan areas and collected data on marriage and divorce rates for the 20- to 34-year-olds that live there, the affordability of a starter home there, the area's income disparity and the availability of family counseling.
Dallas, the city made famous on television for its scheming lovers and dysfunctional relationships, topped our list. There are three other Texas cities in the top 10: Houston, Austin and San Antonio. Cities at the bottom of our list, with low marriage rates, high income disparity or poor housing affordability, included Cleveland, Providence, R.I., and Miami.
Behind The Numbers
Unfortunately no uniform studies on infidelity by city exist, so we were unable to consider rates of cheating, an age-old cause of relationship breakdown. However, the temptation to cheat isn't much greater in the big city than it is in the suburbs, says Pamela Druckerman, author of Lust in Translation: The Rules of Infidelity from Tokyo to Tennessee. Data gathered between 1996 and 2006 by the University of Chicago's General Social Survey revealed that in the country's 12 largest cities, about 18% of married men and women had more than one partner, compared with 15% of respondents in the corresponding suburban areas.
Another telling factor that we could not include, given our methodological constraints, was the existence of domestic partner registries. Nicky Grist, the executive director of the nonprofit Alternatives to Marriage Project, says that such registries "suggest that the city government has decided to acknowledge and respect the fact that couples have relationships outside of marriage."
While each city develops its own registry with different rules, they often help employees provide proof to an employer of domestic partnership for benefits, and also confer legal rights in certain circumstances like hospital and jail visits. There are at least 70 cities and counties that have domestic partnership registries, according to the Human Rights Campaign, a gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender advocacy organization.
The growing acceptance of nontraditional relationships and families reflects the obvious ways marriage has changed in recent decades.
"People no longer get one single script to follow," says Stephanie Coontz, a professor at the Evergreen State College and author of Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage. "We're reinventing marriage house by house and communities block by block."
Best And Worst Bets
Long-term couples looking for community might find Salt Lake City appealing. At 885 marriages per 1,000 people, Salt Lake City far outranked the two closest cities in this category, Kansas City, Mo., and Dallas, which had 823 and 816 marriages, respectively. At the bottom of the list was Buffalo, N.Y., where there are only 573 marriages per 1,000 people. The differences between Salt Lake City and Buffalo are numerous, but two factors affecting marriage rates might be the cultural emphasis on the family unit in Salt Lake City and a beleaguered economy in Buffalo.
Given the modern realities of partnership, divorce rates are also crucial to the chances of a relationship surviving the challenges of a fickle American mentality. The divorce rates were highest in Indianapolis, Jacksonville, Fla., and San Antonio, where there were 143, 133 and 131 divorces per 1,000 people, respectively. New York City has the fewest, at 44.
Is living together a good idea or a bad one? If it helps couples save money, or assess compatibility, is that reason enough?
"A fundamental reason for the high breakup rate of marriages is that people's mental attitude about marriage has shifted over the years," says David Popenoe, co-director and founder of National Marriage Project, a long-term research initiative at Rutgers University. "You went in thinking that it would last because divorce wasn't really an option for legal, religious, family and complications. You just went in and stuck with your marriage."
This determination may seem old fashioned and wrong headed in some cases, but surrounding yourself with couples who see divorce or breakup as a last resort may benefit your relationship in the long run.
We also considered money, the destructive wedge of countless relationships, another key component for measuring the quality of life for a couple. We looked at median earnings for full-time workers and found the greatest disparities in men's income over women's.
Detroit fared the worst with an income disparity of $16,261, while Las Vegas edged out San Antonio for first place with a difference of $7,379. This may make little difference to infatuated couples, but income disparity can reflect varying education levels and professional experience, and the potential for a mismatch.
If your city scores fairly well on our ranking, there's one more thing professor Coontz recommends that unmarried cohabiting couples consider: What next?
"They really need to be conscious of what cohabitation means and be on the same page," she says. "Either it's a precursor to marriage, an alternative to hooking up or an alternative to marriage."
The danger, she says, is falling into an arrangement out of habit.
Complete Methodology
To determine the best city for couples, we collected data for 40 of the largest metropolitan statistical areas for five different categories: marriages per 1,000 people, divorces per 1,000 people, starter-home affordability, income disparity and availability of couple's or family counseling. Cities were then given a one to 40 ranking in each category. Marriage and divorce rankings were double-weighted, while counseling was given half weight.
Marriages per 1,000 people: We used Census data on the number of married people between the ages of 20 to 34 to determine whether or not a city had a high number of existing marriages.
Divorces per 1,000 people: We used Census data on the number of divorced people between the ages of 20 to 34 to determine the longevity of marriages.
Starter-home affordability: Moody's Economy.com provided us with an index of housing affordability based on the cost of a median priced home in each city compared with the median income. According to the National Association of Realtors, a starter home is defined as 85% of the median home price.
Income disparity: We used Census data on median earnings for full-time workers in the past year.
Access to couple's counseling: To gauge resources for couples who hit a rough patch, we collected the zip codes of members belonging to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, a professional organization for marriage and family therapists. The AAMFT has 25,000 members, and a spokesman estimated that there are about 50,000 marriage and family therapists nationwide.
The one where ever my wife and I live. Hehehe.
Mistake number one.
With that many people living in mortal sin, it’s no wonder we have so much crime, drug use, abortions, and such little respect for family morals, in this country. I’m sure they are all far-left, immoral, democrats.
“But couples that live together have needs, too.”
Man,that’s profound !!!!
bookmark
I’m a cohabitator. :-D
Sorry, I forgot the sarc...
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