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I took it for about a week and a half before I came down with pnuemonia and was in the hospital for a week. Never took it again. I didn’t smoke while in the hospital, but two days after I got home, I started smoking again. I still have the chantix but I never got back on it.

My husband and I and my parents have been discussing all the stressors that keep me down and my job is #1 on my list. Last week, we had 5 people out with uppper respritory sickness, then some others wouldn’t go home, then the boss’s daughter brought one of her kids who had the stomach flu to work with her because she couldn’t leave him at home - then my boss wonders why I get sick.... Now, we’re in “cedar season” again and what do you know, here I am with another bout of pnuemonia again! Luckily we caught it early enough I didn’t have to stay in the hospital. However, I believe I may have cracked a rib from all the coughing. Going back to the dr. today to see if I’m getting better. I haven’t worked since last Thursday. Not sure I’ll have a job when it’s all said and done, but maybe that’s a good thing.

It sucks being so addicted to something you know is going to kill you eventually. I sat with my granny 2 years ago as she lay in her bed dying from copd - and even in the last hours of her life, she would reach for her Camel’s just to take a puff. I see that in myself and it scares me. As bad as I feel though, I still light one and hold it or draw in just enough to fill my mouth to let the nicotine get in my system just to calm down. I’ve often gone head to head with people over my kids and have said I’d go up against the devil himself for my kids. I feel like I’m up against him now over these damn cigarettes. Ugh.

I wonder if I’ll ever break this addiction and finally get well.