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But pro-choice is not an option because pro-choice in this context means pro-abortion. Can’t have it both ways.

And just what is wrong with having your cake and eating it too?

Who says you can't take any issue that makes you uncomfortable to publicly support, and instead of saying you're for it, just refuse to discuss the actual issue itself, but insist on only talking on and on and on about how you're just supporting "choice" on this issue, and in reality you're actually "personally against" the thing itself?

Who says you can't play games with your conscience?

I'm not saying to stomp your conscience into the dirt with your heel. Rather, a slow poisoning of it is far preferable.

The rhetoric of the "pro-choice on abortion" crowd is truly inspirational. So inspiring that I am moved into taking their logic to heart; to apply their same logic to another issue. After all, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right?

I'm getting together with a bunch of my buddies to start a new political organization advancing the cause of Men's Reproductive Rights, with our main goal being to decriminalize rape.

Our official motto: "Keep rape safe, legal and rare". Men are all rapists anyway, according to top feminists, so they're going to rape no matter what. Thus the best course of action is to strive to eliminate the unsafe, unsanitary "Back Alley Rapes" that are happening now.

Our official bumper sticker: "Don't like rape? Then don't have one!"

To join our organization, each man must pay $50 to buy a 24-carat gold plated halo, which must be worn at all official events. Around the outside of each halo will be inscribed: "Personally Against Rape". Once we get the law changed, if any raped women rush up to scream at us, we'll just point to the words on our halos and say, "Ah! Ah! Ah! Read it and weep! You can't pin any blame on me. I'm personally against it, just the same as you."

Have no illusions, men. The entrenched opposition will refuse to have a respectful, well reasoned debate with us. Instead, they'll try to drag this whole debate down into the mud, constantly trying to demonize us using hot-button, incendiary, trigger words like "rape". But we refuse to be dragged down into the mud with them, and will keep our side of the debate on a high and lofty level, refusing to even use The R-Word. Really, the debate has nothing to do with rape anyway. It's all about Choice - about our freedoms and liberties as Americans.

Once we get a few male Hollywood stars on our side, the mainstream media will soon follow along and adopt our nomenclature and our arguments. Then everyone will realize that being Pro Choice on Rape is entirely unrelated to being Pro Rape. And we will gradually reframe the words used to define the debate. We'll start with "Pro Choice on Rape" and then move on to just "Pro Choice" period. If they ask us which choice we're referring to, the preferred answer will be "Men's Reproductive Rights". Then we'll lobby for "Nonconsensual Love" or even better, "Not-Necessarily-Consensual Love".

A key to winning our debate will be to reveal to people just where these antiquated anti-rape laws originated - from the Christian's Bible!! Gag me with a spoon! Tell your liberal male friends who are wavering on this issue: "I DON'T WANT A BUNCH OF IGNORANT GOAT HERDERS WHO'VE BEEN DEAD FOR 4,000 YEARS TELLING ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY BODY!!!" Practice yelling this in front of a mirror so you can make your face look as angry as possible without it looking fake. Believe me, this argument will be a slam dunk with liberals. Also try, "IT'S **MY** BODY, DAMMIT!" or, "NO MORE COAT HANGER RAPES!"

Another good slogan is, "We're not doing this for us. We're doing it for our sons and our grandsons, so that their choices will not be taken away". Doing things "for the children" is always a great argument stopper. Who wants to look like they're against children? And never cease to emphasize that your major opponent is organized religion. Confront people with the burning question, "Which side will you stand with? With us for Male Reproductive Rights? Or will you stand with Pat Robertson and Jimmy Swaggart and Jim & Tammy Fay Baker and Ayatollah Khomeini?"

Refuse to be dragged along into totally irrelevant red-herring arguments such as, "Well, women should have rights, too!" This is patently false. WHERE is there any evidence that women are humans? Heck, where do women come from anyway? Let's take a closer look at this: A woman starts out as a one-celled fertilized egg. She divides into 2 cells. Then 4 cells. Then 8 cells. Like, big horky deal, man. So okay, she keeps dividing and dividing and getting bigger and bigger, but so what? She starts out as a small zygote and ends up as a big zygote, but she's still a zygote! Just a big mass of cells is all.

So okay, after 9 months this over-developed zygote moves through a birth canal, goes on to soil thousands of diapers, consumes huge quantites of food, clothes, Barbies and other expensive resources, gets braces, sucks the family bank account dry for a wedding, produces yet another generation of over-developed zygotes, and dies. Can you please tell me just exactly WHERE in this cycle the zygote instantly, magically became a human being? Huh? Can you? C'mon, I dare you. Point out the exact moment. I'm waiting. When and how did it happen? Did Pinocchio's fairy godmother show up and wave her wand, instantly turning the zygote into a human? Gimme a break! You're just propagating the exact same arguments used by the "Pro Life" crowd who try to attach the label "human being" to zygotes, and as everyone knows, the arguments of those Anti Choicers have been completely discredited.

We also need to marshall our troops with stirring chants that raise our morale and demoralize our enemies. For inspiration we look to the Pro Choice On Abortion movement. How many countless times now have we been stirred deep inside while listening in awe to the mesmerizing, brave chants of those brave souls who are bravely standing up to those all-powerful Popes in Rome (the very same tyrants who ran the Spanish Inquisition! Always, ALWAYS mention The Inquisition during arguments of this type) - standing in brave defiance regardless of any consequences that might happen to them for so bravely uttering these brave words of defiance:
KEEP! YOUR! RO - SA - RIES!
OFF! OUR! O - VA - RIES!

Oh, it just sends a shuddering thrill down my spine to even type in these brave words. And thus, we of the newly created "Men's Reproductive Rights" movement will use these same brave souls as our inspiration. We will thrust both of our middle fingers high in the air, holding them against each other to form a cross, and bravely shout defiance at that meddlesome Pope ---
KEEP! YOUR! CRU - CI - FIX!
OFF! OUR! EFF - IN' PR****!

So who will join with me in this Male Liberation movement?? Be the first to sign up!

Perhaps on September 11, 2011, we'll be hearing: I am "personally against" President Hillary's declaration of martial law and jailing of her political opponents in response to the terrorist nukes, but I support her right to choose to do it! I firmly take a stand for Liberty and Choice - her liberty to make this choice.