Posted on 01/19/2008 10:02:54 AM PST by real saxophonist
Jump right into the jury pool
Mike Peters mpeters@greeleytribune.com
January 19, 2008
Just when you think you're safe, when you're out there in the park on a nice day, and listening to the birds tweet and watching the clouds floating past, and everybody's smiley and happy ... they come out of the courthouse and drag you away.
It happened twice last week in Greeley because of the knuckleheads who didn't show up for jury duty, and so the CourtFolks had to go out on the streets of downtown Greeley and grab some poor, unwitting passers-by and throw them in the jury box.
Out of 200 letters sent out for jury members, 161 didn't show up. Too stupid to read the letters, I guess.
This shows me that after all this time, it appears I've been wrong.
I was under the stupid impression that if you got a summons for jury duty, YOU SHOWED UP. You don't throw a jury summons away like it was unimportant, like mail from the Democrats or Repubs. You read the jury summons and do what it says.
But now, because of the knuckleheads, we could all be in trouble.
Because I work in the downtown area and see stuff every day, I know what kind of people are down there; and all of them are potential jurors:
» Lawyers. All over the place. You can't swing a cat around in a circle down there without hitting a lawyer.
» One tall, thin man who talks to himself. Or, maybe he's talking to the invisible guy next to him.
» A young guy with a shaved head, large tattoos on his neck, wearing all one color and leading a very large pit bull around on a chain.
» One obviously drunk man, staggering down the street at 10 in the morning, keeping his balance only because of the 12-packs of beer he's carrying in each hand.
» A girl, about 10 years old, who is downtown during school hours and carrying a kitchen trash can and dumping it into the larger city trash cans, for some reason.
» One woman, very professional looking and wearing a business suit, stands on a corner and talks VERY LOUDLY on her cell phone to someone named Louise.
» Two very sleazy-looking TV reporters.
That's your jury pool.
So, I can see it all a few years from now, when I get arrested for something serious, like punching a squirrel in the nose, and they take me into court and I look over to the jury box, and I get to see the "jury of my peers."
One guy, talking to the Invisible Man beside him, who is also a member of the jury; two evil lawyers; a gangster, sitting next to his pit bull named "People Eater," who is also a jury member; a drunk guy with a 12-pack; a 10-year-old girl who should be in school; a woman talking to Louise on her cell phone; and two TV guys who want to interview the squirrel.
And, despite their wacky, wacky ways, each of the jury members is mad because they got pulled off the street and have to serve on a jury.
Thanks to the knuckleheads who don't come in for jury duty, this is the jury who would decide my fate.
I'm a dead man.
The name Gnarly Trombone was taken from an 1871 Cincinnati newspaper that misread Horace Greeley's handwritten name of the Greeley Tribune. Mike Peters is a Tribune staff writer. He may be e-mailed at mpeters@greeleytribune.com.
It truly is a life-goal of mine to sit on one or more meaningful cases. But I cannot do it now without jeopardizing my career.
In all liklihood, when I attempt to actually get seated, I will have to be FAR more devious and crafty in order NOT to get booted by the lawyers.
That’s the irony of all this.
I wasn’t suggesting you were lying. Since Jurors are gi8ving swqorn testimony, don’t lie is all I’m saying to folks.
BTW, I have Duty coming up March 4.
Any time anyone asks you a question or gives you a direction, simply cup one hand behind your (presumably same) ear and ask, 'Huh?'.
You'll be out of the pool in 10 minutes, won't even have to sit for voir dire.
And I’ve never been called for jury duty!
Harvey?
They might both get dragged in for jury duty!
Sometimes a person lucks out . OJ had a jury of his peers. - tom
Like the jury in OJ's murder trial.
Court Clerk: “Gotcha; you are now in the jury pool!”
Smart, busy Citizen: “Pardon, señor; no sprechen zie Platsenglisher. Mein Gringo Card no es realimente!”
What's to defend? Just say that you voted your conscience. Case closed.
Dedham, Mass June 2. [1921] - Seizure of 200 talesman from the streets and homes of Norfolk County was ordered by the court tonight in order to hasten the work of obtaining a jury to try Niccola Sacco and Bartolomeo Vanzetti for murder of a paymaster and his guard at South Braintree a year ago. The venire of nearly 500 had been exhausted to find only seven jurors.
When the Sheriff asked for instructions as to how many talesman he should seize, the court invited suggestions from counsel.
Jeremiah J. McAnarney, for the defense, protested that this method of obtraining (sic) talesmen left no opportunity for the defense to inform itself on prospective jurors, but the court held that it was as fair for the defense as for the prosecution. District Attorney Katzman urged that talesmen be brought in without delay. The court upheld him, and the defense reserved the right to save exceptions.
The District Attorney said he had twenty-nine peremptory (sic) challenges left and estimated a similar number for the defense. He suggested that 125 talesmen be brought in. The Sheriff recommend that he be given until tomorrow morning to get them. The then ordered him to seize 200 and report with them at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning.
From the NYT of June 3, 1921
Pretending to be hard-of-hearing or deaf might not work. I was empaneled eight years ago in St. Paul, MN on a civil case (despite being engineer/scientist). One of the jurors was profoundly and congenitally deaf. There were two sign language interpreters while we were in the jury room, and three during time in the courtroom.
N.B. I had always wanted to be a juror and still do; my personal crusade to bring reason to the process.
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