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Howie column ping. We’ll make this today’s show ping too.

Mitt’s decline a lift for canned Red Dog
By Howie Carr | Friday, January 11, 2008 | http://www.bostonherald.com

Mitt Romney is losing, and the hometown hackerama he once terrorized is gleeful.

Just ask David Balfour, the former MDC commissioner, a hack’s hack. First he was fired by Mitt, and now he’s been canned from his consolation prize, a $93,666.20-a-year “job” at the Mass. Turnpike.

But somehow the former commissioner of the old Metropolitan District Commission can’t wipe the smile off his red face.

“The day they notified me was the day Mitt lost Iowa,” the Pike’s so-called director of commuter services was saying Wednesday. “And you know what? Mitt losing made it a great day. But not as great as when McCain beat him in New Hampshire.”

Well, just as long as you don’t take it personally, Red Dog.

Balfour got that nickname after a snapshot surfaced showing him holding a can of Red Dog, a watery Miller High Life product available at what used to be called “popular prices.”

Hence the nickname. You know you have made the Hack All-Star team when your moniker is that of a cheap domestic beer.

How hacked up was Balfour? When Jackie Bulger, the runt of the Bulger litter, quit his clerkship at the courthouse one step ahead of the indictment, Balfour was supposed to get his job.

But alas, it was not to be. Balfour was so busy chowing down at the trough that he didn’t notice times were changing. He passed up, or was passed over for, a federal hack job in 2001. He ran for mayor of Melrose, and was crushed. By then the governor was Mitt Romney, who did not suffer hacks gladly.

Mitt Romney fired Balfour from the renamed MDC, but thank God, an even tubbier payroll Charlie threw him a life preserver - Fat Matt Amorello. Soon Red Dog was on the Turnpike payroll. Any port in a storm, as they say.

But then Mitt hunted Fat Matt down, the Democrats won the election and it was only a matter of time. Now the new Turnpike boss has decided to make a few examples about the need for cutbacks, and what better place to start than with the poster boy for the GOP hackerama?

Are you surprised? I asked Red Dog.

“I’m surprised I lasted this long,” he said.

He’s 54, turns 55 in April. What’s the pension situation, I asked.

“Not much,” he said, pausing. “Do they still make Red Dog beer?”

How would I know? You’re the one who was caught swilling Red Dog, Red Dog.

“That day you guys took my picture was the only day I ever drank one.”

His career ends not with a bang, but a pink slip. Still, he got away with an amazing amount of stuff. I mean, two of his brothers and a onetime in-law are still on the state payroll, for a combined total of $151,346.20 a year.

So, Red Dog, do you have any advice for the next generation of hacks?

“Keep your head low,” he said.

I told Red Dog he seemed pretty upbeat, considering the fact that in about a month he may have to go out and get a real job, one that doesn’t include Bunker Hill Day as a paid holiday. As a matter of fact, I told him, he seemed a lot more chipper than Mitt.

“Yeah, well, I’m not out millions of dollars.” He paused again. “It’ll be interesting to see what happens when Mitt comes back here.”

For the Super Tuesday primary Feb. 5, he meant. I asked him if he thought Mitt will still be in the race by then.

“Maybe not,” he said. “I mean, how many nails does it take?” He paused once more, then chuckled. “I guess you could say the same thing about me.”

But Balfour still looks on the bright side - Mitt is going down. It’s true what they say, that revenge is a dish best served cold. As cold as an icy Red Dog.

Article URL: http://www.bostonherald.com/news/opinion/columnists/view.bg?articleid=1065883