I can only imagine how hard that must be, missanne. You're right about the hospitalization part tho - have the meds improved that much? In my experience (I used to be a nurse) it always seemed that once people get back on them and get to feeling better, they go off them again because of the side effects. (Maybe that's just because I didn't see the people that took their meds and tolerated them well - they didn't keep coming back to the hospital.)
P.S. I hope you didn't think I was being callous - didn't mean to be.