Adult Adoptees Should See Records

AP | 12 November, 2007 | DAVID CRARY

[M.K. Borders]

NEW YORK (AP) -- It's among the most divisive questions in the realm of adoption: Should adult adoptees have access to their birth records, and thus be able to learn the identity of their birth parents?

In a comprehensive report being released Monday, a leading adoption institute says the answer is "Yes" and urges the rest of America to follow the path of the eight states that allow such access to all adults who were adopted.

[napscoordinator]

My dad was adopted and never had an interest in knowing his real parents. He loved his adopted parents so much that he was satisfied. I guess it depends on the person.

[Shire]

My husband was adopted. After his adoptive parents passed away he had some medical issues and we found his birth mother. She was a wonderful woman and we were always greatful for the few years that she had left that we got to know her. She had lots of problems in her life, but the decision to give him away was such a wonderful decision and we made sure that she knew she did the right thing.

[ARE SOLE]

A law like this can reduce the number of baby’s put up for adoption.

Regards

[2ndDivisionVet]

Concerned United Birthparents: http://www.cubirthparents.org/

This is the organization I found my birthmother through.

[Thinkin' Gal]

One of the bill's main sponsors was state Sen. Paula Benoit, an adoptee who personally lobbied all her colleagues. While working on the bill, she uncovered her own biological background and learned, to her amazement, that two Democratic lawmakers she was working with were her nephews.

Oh yikes.

[Freedom4US]

Seems to me regulations or the law could be changed from the current policies, but should not be changed retroactively or put another way ex post facto. Maybe the parents could indicate if they would make exception.

[ReignOfError]

My dad was adopted and never had an interest in knowing his real parents. He loved his adopted parents so much that he was satisfied. I guess it depends on the person.

And on the circumstances. Suppose you want to know if you're genetically predisposed toward some disease -- however loving and well-meaning, adoptive parents can't tell you that.

[metmom]

Connecticut, NJ, and the ACLU are opposed to this? That alone makes it sound like a good thing.

My thoughts are that there should be a provision where the birth mother can sign to state that she wants no contact with the child ever, and that somehow medical history could be provided. Perhaps there could be some way of getting the history and having it notarized to verify it yet not giving out the name.

There are some medical conditions that really need to be known about.

[conservatism_IS_compassion]

A law like this can reduce the number of baby’s put up for adoption.

Certainly a pregnant, unmarried teen cannot predict her future life circumstances and whether such a revelation would be a boon or a bane at some future time - and certainly that thought might scare said teen into making a different decision.

I would think that a mother leaving a baby for adoption should have the option of giving the adoption agency permission eighteen years after the adoption or not. She should not be required to make that decision eighteen years in advance.

[proudmilitarymrs]

“Suppose you want to know if you’re genetically predisposed toward some disease — however loving and well-meaning, adoptive parents can’t tell you that.”

That statement is not entirely true. Some adoptions are made with complete medical history disclosure by the birth parents.

As an adoptive parent I can only say that these decisions should be made on an individual basis. My son is not someone’s political football. He is an individual.

mrs

[Westlander]

My spouse and I met my kid’s birth mother. The agency offered a ‘go between’ for communication after placement with us. We sent a few letters, none were ever picked up by her in 20 years.

[ReignOfError]

That statement is not entirely true. Some adoptions are made with complete medical history disclosure by the birth parents.

I did not know that. But how complete is "complete?" Medicine finds more and more diseases and conditions that have a genetic component that might not have been known or disclosed years ago.

As an adoptive parent I can only say that these decisions should be made on an individual basis. My son is not someone’s political football. He is an individual.

An individual who will make his own decision when he's of age (if he isn't already). I don't have a problem with these laws -- they're not posting birth records on neighborhood telephone poles, just making them available to the kids.

And I salute you for adopting, by the way. Say what you will about "political correctness," but sometimes we change the language for good reason. When I was a kid, we used to talk about adopted kids looking for their "real mother." "Birth mother" is more precise. Dressing a kid for his first day of school, bandaging his scratches and scrapes, singing him songs, reading him stories -- those are things a *real* mother does.

I'm not adopted, and I haven't adopted. But I have friends I knew for years before I learned that their "mom" or "dad" was technically a stepmom or stepdad. Or an adoptive mom and dad. Mom and Dad are the folks who are there for you when you need them, and to hell with genetics.

There's a little guy or a young man ( you didn't mention an age) out there who's lucky to have you as a mom, and if one day he decides he wants to find his birth mother, he won't forget that.

[BibChr]

Fault this scenario:

An adoptive parent gives his adopted child his name, and all his heart, and sets himself to love that chosen child as his own.

But the child gets to play multiple-choice among parents? Put energy into seeking out and establishing a relationship with the parent that, for whatever reason, elected NOT to keep, love, and raise him?

Seems like a raw deal for the adoptive parent. He commits with no “return” receipt, the adoptee gets to play multiple-choice.

[napscoordinator]

True but I have never really thought about the disease thing. I guess I should but I guess ignorance is best.

[proudmilitarymrs]

Thank you for your kind words.

mrs

[proudmilitarymrs]

And birth children for whatever reason can be a huge disappointment to their parents. They may choose drugs over family, whatever, not my point.

I didn’t become a parent for what my child could give to me. That love is without compare, but I would give my love to my child regardless. That’s what I was taught that parents do.

mrs

[rightthinkingwoman]

To me, this is very sad. No one should be denied their biological identity. Adoptees are not so untrustworthy that, as adults, they should be denied a truthful birth certificate. Visions of stalkers and pests wrecking the life of a woman who has “moved on” are just not the reality, IMO. This happens to no other class of people.

Also, as an adoptive parent, I know both of my children’s bio families. Should they desire a relationship with them I would not consider it multiple choice. It does not diminish my role in their life, but expands the people who love them. Adoptive families can not deny that their children have 4 parents.

[G Larry]

This experience isn’t all hearts and flowers.

When a good friend contacted his biological father, he was told “You’re the worst mistake I ever made”.

Some stones are better left unturned.

[jch10]

Yes, that is a reasonable and logical resolution. Mothers were assured records would not be public. It should remain so, unless they sign releases....nothing retroactive though.