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Angry dad defended, bashed by readers
Manchester Union Leader ^

Posted on 10/23/2007 2:31:25 PM PDT by uxbridge

The report of a Weare father attacking his daughter's boyfriend on school grounds after discovering the teenagers had sex earlier that day has evoked passion in readers.

The boy is 17 and the girl is 15.

Police say the attack happened Sept. 10 as John Stark High School in Henniker was letting out for the day and was witnessed many students.

The girl's father was charged with simple assault, a class B felony.

A Weare police detective was interviewing the 17-year-old from Henniker yesterday, said Deputy Chief Bill Quigley, but no charges have been filed against him.

Because the girl is not old enough to consent under state law, police are investigating the father's allegation as a sexual assault.

The story drew comments from Myrtle Beach, S.C., to Baghdad, Iraq.

Many people defended the irate father's actions, with one reader suggesting a defense fund be set up and several others saying they would contribute.

"If more parents acted like this father maybe we wouldn't have so many teen pregnancies," wrote Dorie Smith of New Boston. "It's refreshing to see a father stand up for his child and not just say, 'Oh, that's what teenagers do.'"

Others said the man should be prosecuted for violently taking the law into his own hands.

"I am also shocked at the number of people defending the father's actions," wrote Tina Thompson of Sutton. "The father's actions are vigilantism at its worst, and I hope the authorities throw the book at him."

Michelle Howard, of Henniker, said an adult should be expected to have more control over his fist than a teenager has over his hormones.

"As a mother of three boys," she wrote, "I will make sure they get every kiss and so on in writing, to protect us from some testosterone-raging father."

The boy, who police say was dating the girl, was bruised in the attack and required two stitches in his face.

Police said the father discovered the teens had sex during school hours but not on school property.

The New Hampshire Union Leader does not identify sexual assault victims. For that reason, the newspaper is not identifying the father.

Chris, of Nashua, said there's little danger of stigma being attached to anyone involved in the incident.

"The 15-year old girl is not a victim here," he said. "She is a teen engaging in sexual activity - just like 90 percent of her peers. Therefore the father does not deserve to have his name hidden from the public. Publish his name in the paper just like any other adult who is charged with assault."

Meg, of Derry, agreed, saying many teen girls are sexually active.

"People see the word 'rape' in statutory rape and think that the boy forced himself on her like a beast," she wrote. "Let me tell you, that is hardly the case in many instances. ... Assault is assault, Pops. Jail is where you go, and you learn YOUR lesson just like your daughter and her boyfriend learn theirs."

Sue, of Pembroke, said lessons could have been learned, but weren't.

"This would have been the perfect opportunity (for the man) to show his daughter how adults behave themselves when faced with a difficult situation," she wrote. "When she is an adult she will look back and realize the infantile manner in which her father behaved himself."

Tonya Ferrara, of Manchester, said vigilante justice - family style - might play a useful role in crime fighting.

"Maybe if this happened to sex offenders the first time they were caught we wouldn't have repeat offenders," she wrote.

Using violence to solve problems is the real threat to society, wrote Christina, of Henniker.

"Let the father of the boy beat up the father of the girl, and then the older brother beat up the older brother," she wrote. "Why stop there? Why not have his friends beat up her friends? It's views like this that start world wars."

Mark Emerson, of Lancaster, said the man's chief mistake was getting caught.

"Put in that same situation," he said, "I probably would have knocked his lights out also, just without all the witnesses."

Tom Linehan, of Salem, defended the father's actions without qualification.

"There ought to be a fund to help pay the legal fees for people like this father who not only defend their kids but also more broadly defend the rest of us from miscreants," wrote Linehan. "There is no defense for rape."


TOPICS: Culture/Society; US: New Hampshire
KEYWORDS: weare
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To: libs_kma
And if the kids Daddy thought it was more important to come after me than take care of his sons statutory rape charge, I would have absolutely no problem with that.

It's worth asking why you think going after the boy is more important than fixing the parenting failures that led to a 15 year old daughter having sex. Most of the chest-beaters on this thread seem very willing to blame the boy, and far less willing to acknowledge the parts played by the girl and by the father who raised her.
161 posted on 10/27/2007 11:51:27 AM PDT by AnotherUnixGeek
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To: AnotherUnixGeek
IMO the girl would also have a lot of explaining to do. And if any of the reasons for that to happen included lack of supervision, then yes, an inward look would be warranted.

But when all is said and done in a case like this, I still think a 17 year old boy would have used more persuasion than a 15 year old girl. Having been 17 years old myself at one point, I know how that works.

If I was that 17 year old boy, my biggest fear would have been "If her Dad finds out I'm gonna be toast". I would have expected a beat down in his situation, and if I got it, I wouldn't have been standing there saying "WTF was that for???" I would have used deductive reasoning to figure it out pretty quickly.

And thats exactly how they should feel. It shouldn't be an idle threat.

Put me on that jury for that Father's assault trial and he would walk out of that court a free man.

Going back to your original comment about a Father "being too intensely involved in his teenage daughters sex life"...Well, if her Father isn't watching out for her, who is? Especially when she's 15 and under the age of consent!

I feel sorry for your daughters if have any now or ever have any in the future.

162 posted on 10/27/2007 4:15:49 PM PDT by libs_kma (www.imwithfred.com)
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To: libs_kma
Going back to your original comment about a Father "being too intensely involved in his teenage daughters sex life"...Well, if her Father isn't watching out for her, who is? Especially when she's 15 and under the age of consent!

Gee, maybe her Father should have used the 15 years he's had raising his daughter to watch out for her and instill some values in her. Any father whose daughter is off having sex at that age either hasn't done his job, or is OK with his daughter having sex at that age.

I feel sorry for your daughters if have any now or ever have any in the future.

Right, because what every girl needs is a violent father facing criminal charges for beating down her teenage boyfriend. That'll be a great childhood memory to grow up with and reminisce about in the years to come. Do your job with your own kids before running off to assault someone else's kids.
163 posted on 10/27/2007 6:05:26 PM PDT by AnotherUnixGeek
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To: AnotherUnixGeek
"Any father whose daughter is off having sex at that age either hasn't done his job, or is OK with his daughter having sex at that age."

It must be nice knowing that as long as you do your job and instill values in your kids, they will never make a mistake or be swayed by something beyond your control. I take back what I said. You must be the best parent ever, and you have the greatest kids in the world. How lucky for you.

"Right, because what every girl needs is a violent father facing criminal charges for beating down her teenage boyfriend. That'll be a great childhood memory to grow up with and reminisce about in the years to come. Do your job with your own kids before running off to assault someone else's kids."

I'm not by nature a violent person, but there's a time and place for everything. But I guess you'd be just fine with that 17 year old boy having sex with your daughter. When you reminisce years later, all she'll remember is that you instilled all those values, but when she made a mistake you blamed her and didn't give that boy another thought.

Thanks, but I'll take my memory over yours.

164 posted on 10/28/2007 5:03:08 AM PDT by libs_kma (www.imwithfred.com)
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To: AnotherUnixGeek
It looks like everyone else worked it out or gave up and we're the last 2 arguing here.

We might just have to agree to disagree and call it a thread.

One thing I can agree with you about is instilling values in your kids. I'm as far from an "It takes a village" parent as you can get.

My argument was from the perspective of that not being ignored for 15 years, but the situation happenning anyway.

165 posted on 10/28/2007 5:30:55 AM PDT by libs_kma (www.imwithfred.com)
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To: arderkrag

Why? Would you lose your temper and assault him?


166 posted on 10/28/2007 5:35:25 AM PDT by Scotsman will be Free (11C - Indirect fire, infantry - High angle hell - We will bring you, FIRE)
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To: uxbridge
When my daughter was being courted by a boy, I sat them both down at the table and told him, flat out: "If you harm, in any way, my daughter, there is no place you could ever hide where I couldn't find you. If you do hurt her, and I find you, there will be nothing left to do for your family but to pray for your soul."

It worked.

And, I was serious.

I still am.

And, they still know it.

167 posted on 10/28/2007 5:37:39 AM PDT by Thumper1960 (Unleash the Dogs of War as a Minority, or perish as a party.)
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To: uxbridge

90% ??.....


168 posted on 10/28/2007 5:38:40 AM PDT by sit-rep
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To: AnotherUnixGeek

So, it’s ok for a guy to do your 15 year old daughter, eh? How liberated you are.


169 posted on 10/28/2007 5:40:09 AM PDT by Scotsman will be Free (11C - Indirect fire, infantry - High angle hell - We will bring you, FIRE)
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To: Scotsman will be Free
Why? Would you lose your temper and assault him?

No. As I mentioned later in the thread (please read the whole thing) I would bring him before a court of law to face charges of assault.
170 posted on 10/28/2007 5:41:07 AM PDT by arderkrag (Libertarian Nutcase (Political Compass Coordinates: 9.00, -2.62 - www.politicalcompass.org))
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To: 2ndClassCitizen

No weapons; just a weightlifter. Daughters swear every boy they ever brought home (or young man......even when they were older) was terrified of me. I like that.


171 posted on 10/28/2007 5:43:03 AM PDT by RightOnline
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To: crazyshrink

Yeah, except required “extensive family/parenting education classes” are typically run by liberal social workers who have zero grasp of reality.


172 posted on 10/28/2007 5:49:48 AM PDT by Scotsman will be Free (11C - Indirect fire, infantry - High angle hell - We will bring you, FIRE)
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To: Scotsman will be Free
So, it’s ok for a guy to do your 15 year old daughter, eh?

Nope. If my 15 year old daughter is out having consensual sex, I've done a lousy job as a father and haven't raised her right. If something like that ever happened, my first concern would be for my daughter - I'd talk to her about the dangers of teen pregnancy, STDs and casual sex. I'd try to instill my values in her. I'd make sure she had proper supervision until she showed enough maturity and responsibility to be trusted on her own. What I wouldn't do is run off to assault some other kid to cover up my own colossal failures as a father.

How liberated you are.

Nah, just more willing to take responsibility for my own actions than most in this thread.
173 posted on 10/28/2007 11:19:12 AM PDT by AnotherUnixGeek
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To: arderkrag

The kid is 17;old enough to be accepted in the Marines if mom and pop sign off. He’s old enough to defend himself. If not then he is not old enough to have sex.


174 posted on 10/28/2007 11:26:39 AM PDT by RobbyS ( CHIRHO)
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To: libs_kma
I'm not by nature a violent person, but there's a time and place for everything. But I guess you'd be just fine with that 17 year old boy having sex with your daughter.

How does refraining from assaulting my daughter's teenage boyfriend equate to being fine with her having sex with him?

When you reminisce years later, all she'll remember is that you instilled all those values, but when she made a mistake you blamed her and didn't give that boy another thought.

Hopefully, she'd remember that her father's first concern was for her well-being and not his own pride, temper and ego. Hopefully she'd remember that her father responded by trying to fix the mistakes - hers and his own - that led to to the problem in the first place instead of performing a pointless act of violence that only made matters worse for everyone involved.
175 posted on 10/28/2007 12:03:04 PM PDT by AnotherUnixGeek
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To: RobbyS

And I haven’t disputed any of that. But the fact is, the father involved is a moron. He committed assault. That’s where this discussion begins and ends, IMO.


176 posted on 10/28/2007 1:00:44 PM PDT by arderkrag (Libertarian Nutcase (Political Compass Coordinates: 9.00, -2.62 - www.politicalcompass.org))
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To: AnotherUnixGeek
"Hopefully, she'd remember that her father's first concern was for her well-being and not his own pride, temper and ego. Hopefully she'd remember that her father responded by trying to fix the mistakes - hers and his own - that led to to the problem in the first place instead of performing a pointless act of violence that only made matters worse for everyone involved."

What do you mean? As long as you do your job, it won't even happen right? Does this "Any father whose daughter is off having sex at that age either hasn't done his job, or is OK with his daughter having sex at that age." ring a bell?

Don't you remember? You're the best parent ever, and you have the worlds greatest kids. But if I were you, I'd set your alarm for zero-reality:30, just in case.

177 posted on 10/28/2007 4:02:15 PM PDT by libs_kma (www.imwithfred.com)
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To: arderkrag

“He better be glad it’s not my relative he dared to lay a hand on.”

1. Apparently if it were your 17 year old son that had sex with his 15 year old daughter, he would have kicked his butt.

2. Your reaction underscores this fathers point.

3. What would you do? Nothing, if you follow your own advice.

4. Don’t you think that boy has learned a valuable lesson?

5. Don’t you think that girl has learned a valuable lesson?

6. How come nobody is asking how come kids can leave school, have sex, return and the school doesn’t care?


178 posted on 10/28/2007 4:09:40 PM PDT by RFEngineer
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To: libs_kma
What do you mean? As long as you do your job, it won't even happen right?

Yup. Face the facts - if some horny teenaged boy or pop culture or her own hormones have more influence over your daughter's decisions about teen sex than the values you should have spent her lifetime instilling in her, you obviously haven't done a very good job of instilling those values in her or convincing her of the worth of those values. More likely, you've never even discussed the subject with her.

If that's the case, for your daughter's sake, man up and start being a good father at that point at least. Committing criminal acts of violence isn't the way to do that.

Don't you remember? You're the best parent ever,

Judging by this thread and by your posts, I may one of the few parents still around willing to take responsibility for my parenting mistakes. Our Oprah culture is apparently teaching way too many parents to blame everyone but themselves for the things their children do.
179 posted on 10/29/2007 1:39:51 AM PDT by AnotherUnixGeek
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To: AnotherUnixGeek
Don't worry about me. I'm doing my job where my daughters are concerned.

I also live in a world called reality, which is where we differ.

180 posted on 10/29/2007 3:42:21 AM PDT by libs_kma (www.imwithfred.com)
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